What If?
by EmmieElliott
Summary: Gemma said in the 2nd season that Tara came back to Jax at a bad time. What if she came back earlier? What if there were different circumstances involved with the couple? What would change between the two of them? This is not an update but An A/N!
1. Chapter 1

Death is tricky. It can either be instant or drawn out. Some go through tremendous pain while others never feel anything at all. Tara knew her father's death was coming. His drinking was going to be the end of him. At fifty he had more health scares than people twenty years older. Tara's schedule never really gave her the opportunity to go and see her dad.

"Shouldn't you be on a plane right now?" Her boss asked as Tara continued to fill out different charts for her current patients.

"No I have a few hours before I need to be at the airport." She replied while she went back to work.

She stopped off at her apartment to grab her bag and also another really important item. Hanna, her niece, was another factor in her going home. At twenty six she was given a new role besides medical student. She had been contacted when she was in her final year at Loyola by a person claiming that her neice was in need of a guardian.

Of course Tara was skeptical. She went and found out that her father had gotten a girl pregnant before he had married her mom. The daughter had overdosed on some laced cocaine and left the beautiful Hanna all alone with no family. The state gave her a choice either take guardianship or give her up for foster care and later if wanted adoption.

After a DNA test she decided that she needed to give this give a better life. So she took guardianship and was able to get an amazing little girl with her. That was how her luck started to change. She got an internship at Chicago Presbyterian and they had amazing daycare that would take Hanna when she couldn't. Her apartment was in a good neighborhood with good school. Tara was proud that she was changing both of their lives.

Everything was so goo and the last thing she wanted was to leave. Chicago was a distraction. A routine of new circumstances that were continually evolving and changing through=out time. It was just what she needed. There was just one kink in the system.

Kohn. That Psycho bastard was the one pushing Tara farther away from her safety in Chicago. He didn't even understand and that was what Tara was scared of. Somewhere inside that messed up mind he saw hers as his. Nothing was supposed to separate them. Not even the fact that Tara hated everything about him.

Those final hours in Chicago flew by without even a warning. There she sat on a place for over four hours waiting to land back in the San Francisco Bay Area. The land of technology and hippies, well at least that's what everyone thought. Really it is just a boring place where not a lot happens, especially if you drive an hour east towards the central valley.

Just a short taxi drive later through the some of the worst traffic you will find there is a small town just outside of Stockton. Charming, California was Tara's home or at least it used to be. It was a place where she had memories either negative or positive. There was a vast array.

After she paid the taxi off she stood in front of the house she grew up in. The home in which she was constantly left alone while he Dad drowned his money and sorrows at one of the local bars in town. She opened the door and settled a sleeping Hanna in her childhood room.

There was nothing in the fridge but Tara figured that they could just get a few things for tomorrow. They would only be stay for a few more days. Get everything settled for the next few months. Arrange a few things for the next few months while her Dad stayed in the hospital.

By the time the sun rose into the morning Tara was awake and ready for the busy day. The first job was to dig out the cutlass out from under the shit that covered it. It took about an hour but she was finally able to release it from its grave and get it running. She knew that it should last a few days without needing any work.

Hanna was still out cold when Tara came to wake her. Her light brown hair was a bird's nest while her soft green eyes were covered by pale eye lids. She shook her lightly saying, "Hanna it's time to get up."

"Noooo." Hanna groaned out as she tried to pull away from the nuisance. No had been her favorite word for about eight months. She grasped the power of the word immediately.

"Yes!" Tara replied as she started to pull out an outfit for her while pulling the blanket off her small frame.

"Please no. Sleep?" Tara giggled as she picked the toddler up and gave her a little cuddle.

"We are going to get breakfast." Hanna giggled as Tara started to tickle her sides to bring her to a fully conscious state.

Hanna then smiled as Tara pulled off her sleep diaper and put on some big girl underwear. "Remember you need to tell me when you have to go pody okay. Big girls go in the toilet. You are a big girl right?" Tara asked trying to make sure Hanna remembered the rules.

"Okay mommy." Was her reply as she watched Tara put in a pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt.

"Good girl." Tara picked her up and they were out the door heading towards the local diner in town.

She knew that news of her arrival would be around town before the hour was over. It was a small town and with her having a child in tow would just stir up the gossip mill. Nothing had changed in this town. Everything was still the exact same and that scared Tara the most.

Breakfast was simple and easy. Hanna ate her whole plate of pancakes and smiled as she finished the bowl of fruit that came along with the meal. Many of the town folk came over to welcome Tara home and also to give their condolences about her dad.

All too soon they had arrived at St. Thomas. Compared to Chicago Presbyterian it was a calm wave of consistent injuries that were easy to treat.

As she approached the nurse's station a kind looking woman gave her a smile. "Hi can I help you?"

"Yeah I am looking for my father? Last name Knowles." Tara stated as the nurse went in search for the patient's location.

"He is in the Oncology department in room 508." The nurse regurgitated from the computer screen.

"Thank you." Tara smiled as Hanna and she headed towards the Oncology department. Tara had seen a few familiar faces but none who had actually talk to her ever before. Being with Jax Teller meant that your name got around and usually in small towns they don't forget.

Upon arrival at the room she could tell her father was heavily sedated. He was groggy and barely knew who Tara was but he was kinder to Hanna. She even felt comfortable enough to give her grandfather a small kiss on the cheek.

"Hello you must be Ms. Knowles. I am Dr. Ryan your father's attending doctor." A mid-thirties man came into the room. Tara knew he wasn't a native of Charming just by the way he acted. He seemed to have a big city feel than small town.

"Actually it's Dr. Knowles." Tara threw back.

"Ah where do you practice?" He asked as he glanced up and down at the girl in front of him. Tara knew what he was doing since she was use to this on a regular basis.

"Chicago Presbyterian. I just finished my first year of residency there." She replied as Hanna took a seat on the chair beside the bed fascinated by all the different machines.

"What's your specialty?" He asked trying to keep the casual conversation going.

"Neonatal." She replied as she kept glancing at Hanna making sure she wasn't disrupting anything.

"Ah I see well the nurse told me that you were here and I wanted to come and describe your father's illness but from what I can tell you probably already know." It was true. Tara had already looked at his chart and discovered that it was sclerosis of the liver. From she could guess was from the years of drinking he had under his belt.

"How long do you predict?" Tara asked happy that she had made it in time to see him. She knew she would have felt guilty if he had died without her visiting once.

"A month maybe two if he is lucky but we are going to have to keep him heavily sedated and he will probably end up being here for most of the time." Tara agreed and then glanced one more time at the chart.

"Thank you for all you are doing for him." She gave him a smile and grabbed Hanna in her arms to leave.

"Would you like to go to out to dinner with me sometime?" He glanced at the kid and hoped that she would not be a roadblock. This woman was the first person to arrive in this town who seemed to match his intellectual pedestal.

"Sorry we are only in town for a few days and I don't have a sitter." She gave him a fake smile but ended up leaving the room with swift speed. There was no way she would date a doctor.

The hospital needed some paper work dealt with. Since he was no longer able to decide for his own physical and mental health Tara had been given power of attorney. Hanna was in her own little world as more and more people passed by.

"Just a few more signature Dr. Knowles." Tara smiled at the sympathetic nurse. She could hear Hanna giggling at something.

Once she was done signing all the necessary papers she turned back to Hanna who had a small blush on her cheeks. "What's so funny?"

"Him." She smiled towards a group of men. There on the back of the leather cutte was the patch Tara knew too well. It was something she would never forget.

"Which one?" She had an idea who was the one getting her to giggle. He was always good with kids even though he didn't want to admit it.

"The one with the hair like a girl." Hanna stated with a proud smile. Her tiny little fingers pointed right at the man with the shoulder length blonde hair.

"Yeah well we are done so let's head out and get some lunch." Hanna quickly agreed and jumped into her arms.

Tara started to walk in the opposite direction as the group but felt Hanna slyly wave at someone behind the pair. She could almost picture the sweet smile on his face as he waved back to the little girl thinking it was no one special. Just a stranger but he was still willing to make her day by giving her attention.

By the end of the night Hanna was asleep in Tara's father's bedroom. Nothing could wake her. The rest of their day consisted of going to the park and then going to the bank to change over all accounts of her father's into hers.

Tara had bought some food that the two of them could eat and made a quick dinner before the three year old passed out at eight o'clock. Now she was enjoying a crisp winter night. She had forgotten how nice these nights were compared to the harsh winter brewing back in the windy city.

Stars lined the sky. A full moon light the night as she could see a hundred yards in front of her without any difficulty. Tara let her mind wander to all of the nights she spent here.

A sound of a motorcycle interrupted her thought. Headlights blinded her for a second but she didn't need to guess who it was. She had been waiting for this reunion for a while.

She stood as he looked as if he had seen a ghost. "Hey."

"Hey." He spoke and she felt every nerve in her body tingle. There was something about his voice that brought out an indescribable feeling to her.

"So how long are you back for?" He asked as he looked her up and down.

"Just a few days; checking up on my dad." She replied as she looked at the concrete walk way.

"Yeah I heard he was in the hospital. I am sorry." He gave her a slight smile while wrapping his arms around her in a hug.

"Thanks." She whispered into his neck as she let him hold her.

"Any time." He whispered back as he pulled away. "You look good."

"So do you." Tara was the first to initiate movement. She sat down on the step while motion for him to do the same. "I am happy to see you."

"Same." Jax shot back almost too quickly.

"I heard you got married. Congratulation." That was something she had learned today. People all around town kept telling her how they thought Jax and her would have tied the knot.

"Yeah well it is short of over. I filed a few days ago." That information didn't really shock her. The poor woman couldn't really have stood a chance what with every slut in the whole county migrated to SAMCRO. Monogamy was not something upheld in that clubhouse. "I heard you had a kid."

"She's not mine." Tara shot out almost too quickly for her liking. She didn't want it to seem like she didn't like being Hanna's mom and she usually explained it more in depth when asked.

"Who's is she then?" Jax asked while finally catching her eyes. Somehow Tara could read him and there was a slight flash of relief in his eyes at her answer.

"It's a long story." Usually she just said that she was her aunt but Jax knew she was her parent's only child and that meant more history needed to be shared than usual.

"I got time." He gave her a smile that she had longed for since the day she left. It was kind but also had a bit of love in it.

"What no party at the clubhouse tonight?" It was a Friday night which is usually fight night but maybe they changed the schedule.

"Nah there is one but I don't feel like being there." He seemed off but it wasn't her place to comment on it. "So tell me this long story."

"I found out I had a sister. My dad apparently got some girl pregnant before he married my mom. I got a call about two and a half years ago that my half-sister had over dosed on some cocaine laced with some crazy shit and I was the only family the baby had so I took her in." Tara paused for a moment. "Huh it doesn't sound so complicated out loud."

Jax seemed to still be digesting the facts before long though he said, "Damn I am sorry to hear that. What's her name?"

"Hanna." Tara replied while breaking eye contact looking at the stars. "You wanna come in and have a beer?"

"Sure." She nodded and stood with him following her.

Both of them became comfortable on the couch as they fell into an easy conversation. He was telling her all about the stupid shit that the club was getting in to while she narrated the hectic life of being a doctor in Chicago.

"So what made you decide to do preemies?" Jax asked as he opened another bottle of beer.

"A few things kind of moved me towards it." Tara said as she took another sip trying to decide if she wanted to break this relaxed setting.

"Like what?" They were facing each other quite close. Tara felt it would be better to be closer so that they would disturb Hanna but she knew that Hanna could sleep through a heavy metal concert.

"Dealing with Hanna made me realize how much I loved kids." Jax's face softened as he looked at Tara with an interesting look.

"I always knew you would be a great mom." His comment was said in a gentle tone that made Tara's heart flutter.

"Yeah but I doubt I will ever have one of my own." She didn't even think about what she was saying. It was the truth but she had never admitted it to anyone else.

"Why do you say that?" He asked seeming confused by her honest answer.

"Because I found the one I was meant be with when I was sixteen but was stupid and lost him." There was a beat of silence before anything happened.

Then Jax leaned forward and gave her the most passionate kiss she had ever felt. Everything was blurred together as they pushed themselves against each other. She wanted nothing more than to keep this going but she had to ask one question, "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Jax stated as he pulled her off the couch and into her bedroom.

Both of them realized that this would probably never happen again but it felt so right. Jax didn't care that she would be leaving and Tara didn't care that he was still in the outlaw life. They just wanted to be selfish. Be two people making love and that was it. If it never happened again this was their goodbye. They didn't get that the last time. This was their goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the late update. I own nothing. Enjoy!**

Opening her eyes she was met with an aesthetic sight. An arm was draped across her middle and there were two rings on the middle fingers of the hand that made her remember what happened last night. Her mind ran through different memories. Most were from their dating days when this was a usual event.

Tara pulled herself out of her thoughts when she realized that Hanna would be waking up soon and didn't need her walking in to see her and Jax naked in bed. She quickly got herself into the shower to wash the smell of sex off of her skin.

Wrapping a towel around her body she headed back out to the bedroom. Jax was standing in the middle of the room shirtless. He seemed to be in another world so she spoke off and offered a "Hey".

"Hey how did you sleep?" Jax smiled at her kindly before pulling on his white t-shirt covering his tattoo.

"Probably the best sleep I have had in a while." She gave back as she quickly dropped the towel and put on underwear.

"I am not gonna lie to. I am pretty happy that you kept your tattoo." Jax said coming up behind her looking at the ink in the middle of her back.

"Yeah well you were pretty important time of my life." She smiled before shimming into a pair of tight jeans.

"I am going to go before the kid wakes up but it was good to see you again." He started to pull on his shoes while sitting on the bed. Tara on the other hand was pulling on a fresh shirt while Jax continued to stare at the love of his life.

"You don't have to if you want." She hid the emotions from her voice so that he didn't feel the need to leave as if this was some one night stand. She wanted him to know that he still mattered to him.

"I should, there is nothing worse than finding some guy with your mom. No matter what age kids pick it up." Tara nodded as she understood where he coming from. It must not have felt good when Clay swooped in on his mom.

Jax smiled before pulling her into a tight hug that probably lasted too long for it to be appropriate but he didn't give a shit. "Don't be a stranger Doc."

"I won't." There was a silence as she turned around and started to walk out into the living room. "It was good to see you."

"You too darling." Jax could never really hate her. Even if her leaving broke his heart there was still the fact that she wanted him to come. He could never hold her wanting a freedom over her for the rest of his life.

"I'll see you later Doc." He gave her a small kiss on the cheek trying to savor her company for as long as possible.

"You will." Tara declared as she led him out to the door. From the doorway she watched him get on the bike and drive away.

"Mommy?" Hanna's small voice broke her out her trance. Tara looked back and saw Hanna dressed in her pajamas with her favorite teddy bear in her hand rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Are you hungry?" Hanna nodded as Tara headed over to the kitchen grabbing Hanna's hand on the way.

"Yes." She stated as she sat down at the table while Tara went to work grabbing different ingredients to make food.

After Hanna and Tara finished eating they made their way to the local park. Hanna enjoyed the freedom and busted out in a full sprint as soon as she was the play equipment. Tara laughed but allowed her to enjoy her time. She knew that once they were home in Chicago everything would become real again. They would have to face reality. The big city life and all of its dangers would haunt them.

"Which one is yours?" A voice Tara knew all too well hit her in the ears as the smell of cigarettes and the stench of expensive perfume surround her.

"Hello Gemma." Tara looked to left as the matriarch of SAMCRO sat down next to her on the bench.

"What brings your skinny ass back to town?" Tara was not surprised that Gemma had made her debut back into Tara's life in such a flagrant way. She had almost expected Gemma to come to her earlier and make sure that she never saw Jax.

"Dad isn't doing too great so figured I should come and get some shit settled." Tara replied as she continued to keep her eye on Hanna would was running around with a few of the other children.

"Ah the prosperous daughter returns. Bet he was just delighted to see you." That comment stung. Even if Gemma didn't know that he dad was basically in a comatose state the malice in the older woman's voice just dug the knife deeper.

"There were too many drugs in his system for him to realize that I was there." She had finally managed to look over at Gemma and was not surprised at all. Nothing had changed with her.

"Does he even know that you had a kid?" Gemma threw back not caring how the younger girl reacted. She wanted a rise out of her to see if there was any danger to her family.

"She's not mine." Tara pushed back as she glanced back at the little girl.

"Who's is she?" She followed Tara's eye sight and saw who was looking back at the good old Doctor. Gemma had to admit they looked nothing alike.

"Apparently my dad knocked up some junkie before he married my mom. Then my half-sister ended up over dosing on cocaine and left Hanna alone. So I took her in and have had her since she was sixth months old." The rumor mill would be working overtime after this little meeting. Tara knew for sure that news about Hanna would reach the whole town by night fall.

"How selfless of you. Bet it doesn't help in the dating field. I mean men don't usually like to share their woman with kids who aren't there's." In that moment Tara remembered one of the many reasons why she wanted to leave Charming and it was sitting right next to her.

"Really? Because Clay seemed to take to it pretty easy." It felt good to finally stand up to the Queen of Charming. Gemma had said too many things in the past for Tara ever to feel bad for her.

"I am not really looking at the moment." Tara snarled back.

"What too busy with your career?" Gemma was realizing how angry she actually was this girl. She had broken her son's heart nine years ago and now was back to stir up more drama.

"No just haven't met anyone that can take someone else's place." With that statement she stood and started to walk away from the thorn in her side. "Don't worry about me Gemma. I am a survivor."

"More like a cockroach." Gemma muttered under her breath as she watched one of the few threats to family's happiness walk further away.

Night fell and Charming became the quiet enity that Tara always knew. Hanna had long since fallen asleep and Tara's mind was running. She could still remember the noise Jax's bike made as it rode down Main Street in the darkest part of the night. How the wind blew in her face and how she could just picture the smile on his face as her arms tighten around his middle.

The sky was clear and full of stars. There was a slight chill but nothing that she couldn't handle. She figured that she would make the trip to Charming one more time. Closer, she figure, was why she said the things that she did to Jax. She wanted him to know that he was it. He was the only person she could ever love, sure there were others who made her lustful but no one really had the obsessive and over taking love that they both had.

Tonight was the time for her to revel in the pain of her lost love. She didn't even sleep. All she could do was continue to sit out on that porch and look out towards the town that was still stuck in the 1960's. As the sun broke through the sky, she knew that they needed to get to the airport soon so she went back inside.


	3. Chapter 3

**I changed the timeline a bit. Don't worry all will be explained in the next chapter hope you like it! P.S Thanks for all the reviews I appreciate all the love and compliments**

"Tara, Dr. Allen is looking for you." Kathy, a nurse, informed her as she leaned against the counter of the bathroom trying to get the nauseous feeling to subside.

"Thanks tell him I will be out in a few minutes." The older woman nodded as she left the resident there collecting herself.

Tara could barely look at herself in the mirror. She knew all the symptoms. Her body was telling her what was going on but she couldn't trust it. The doctor part of her brain was telling her that it was only going to be positive but she hoped that maybe it was wrong. Once she finally got herself composed she headed out of the bathroom and towards the nurse's station where Dr. Allen was standing.

" , can you please come with me?" Suddenly Tara had flashed backs of going to the principal's office in high school.

Sure it had only been a few times and usually it was a positive experience there was always that voice in the back of your head bringing up every horrible thing that have happened.

She couldn't speak only nodded and followed her superior towards his office where she took a seat across from his desk. He closed the door to give both of them some privacy. "I hate to be the one to tell you this but unfortunately while you were in surgery someone called from St. Thomas in Charming, California. They said that your father passed this morning."

Nothing happened. There was no reaction. She froze. Never had she ever frozen in her life. Dr. Allen looked at her and waited. What, he didn't know but usually people had some type of reaction to the news.

"Thank you for telling me." It was as if she had cut off the emotions. Those words were spoken in a monotone voice as if nothing was wrong.

"You can take the rest of the day off. Give me when you need the time off and I will make sure that you are free. Becca can cover your surgeries." Tara agreed and left the room with no other words exchanged.

She headed straight to the showers and stripped off all of her clothes before putting her body underneath the burning water. She needed to feel something. Had she become so heartless towards her father that she couldn't even feel for his death? How could she take care of a child who had so many emotions when she was so broken herself?

These questions plagued her mind as she took her usual path home. She did deviate slightly picking something up at the drugstore on the corner. As soon as she walked into her apartment she dropped all of her bags on the floor and ran into the bathroom.

It took five minutes before the truth hit her in the face. A pink line told her everything she needed to know. Her ass was knocked up and the father lived two thousand miles away. She knew she was definitely fucked.

The logistics of getting everything for her father was quite fast. His will stated he wanted to be cremated and thrown to the wind. The hospital took care of those arrangements and Tara got her neighbor, whom was Hanna's babysitter, to watch her for a few days while she was in Charming.

Her days off had already been approved by Dr. Allen. As she drove on 580 towards Stockton in her small rental car she knew she was walking into something but she couldn't predict how it all would end up.

The first day back was pretty simple, she had started to clear out her father's shit. It would take more time but she just wanted to get anything perishable out of the house before she left again. She remained mostly in the house alone before she got the call to come pick up her father's ashes.

A small urn sat in front of her as she signed the different papers that were needed by the mortician. She was thinking about pouring the ashes out into an open field so that maybe he could find some peace there so she took a drive out to the edge of town and threw the remainder of him into the howling wind.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Tara hated that saying. She hated it when she was nine and hated twenty years later. No one in the town gave two shits about her drunken dad.

Person after person came over wherever she was to give her their sympathies. Tara would just nod and give them a kind smile that she had picked up over the years. To escape the madness she went into the church in town and sat in a pew for a few hours trying to figure out anything.

"What seems to be troubling you?" The Father asked as he sat down next to her. She hadn't even noticed him approach and was slightly startled by his presence.

"Oh um my father just passed and I thought this would be a good place to think." He didn't say anything just sat there with her looking forward.

Minutes rolled by but there was still nothing happening. Her emotions were gone. She was most scared about that. What if she could never really feel sympathy again? Had she become that person towards the only family she really had?

"You seemed troubled. It may help to talk." The good father offered her an out. A freedom to speak without judgment but she still couldn't find the words.

The day rolled on as if nothing was different, as if there was not one less soul living in this small town. Tara continued to make sure everything was taken care of before she left. Whether it was a definite goodbye or only a small vacation away was up to one person.

So to finally face the one, she walked the short distance to where she heard he was now living. The house it's self was not the best but she didn't expect anything else from him. He never was one for the glamorous life. Simplicity was what he wanted. The simple outlaw life had always been his dream.

"Hey." Tara was so caught up in her own mind that she hadn't heard the roar of the motorcycle or the soft steps approach her.

"Hey." Jax smiled down at her as he took a seat next to her. When he looked at the sadness hidden behind those green eyes he knew that she had been burying her emotions.

"Come here." All it took was his arms around her before she felt everything. Pain was coming in all different directions as she felt the tears pour down her face dropping onto his shirt.

Once she was finally able to catch her breathe she took a moment to take his presence in. "Sorry."

"It is okay babe bet you have had one hell of a day." Hearing his voice calmed her down immediately. She should have known he would be the one to bring her out of her frozen state.

"Yeah you could say that." Her sarcastic tone was not lost on him but he figured it would be better to change the topic.

"Is the kid here?"

"No she is staying with a friend in Chicago. Didn't want to put her through boredom as I dealt with my dad's shit." Jax nodded in understanding.

"So what brings you to my doorstep?" Tara glanced away for moment trying to decide how she was going to tell him.

"I figured you'd be the only person who would understand." Truth spilled out of her mouth without a second thought.

"I guess I am. So how many people have come up to tell you that they are so sorry for your loss?" It felt good to finally talk with someone who knew the whole truth. The fact that no one besides him knew the full truth.

"Every person I have come into contact expect you." Tara slung back at him while giving him a small elbow in the arm. "It has taken every ounce of self-control not to punch every single one of them."

"I would pay good money to see that but you would probably fuck up your hand." Jax's smirk arose on his lips and Tara let out a laugh.

"You're right I can't afford to fuck these bad boys up." She giggled as she tried to imagine her life without the use of her hands.

"Can I ask you a serious question?" The change in mood switched dramatically as he looked her in the eyes. Sincerity was all she could see.

"Yes of course."

"Did you ever consider coming back after you left?" There was a pause before he spoke again. "While you were in school did you ever think about coming back to me?"

"Did you ever consider leaving Charming after I left?" Avoiding the question was all she wanted to do. Her hormones made her unstable and could result in her speaking without thinking.

"I asked you first." She broke the eye contact first trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to tell him.

"I thought about coming back twice after I left." Honesty was the only way she figured that she could answer the question.

"I thought about it hundreds of times." He was a little hurt by the amount of times she almost left. "But something always stopped me. What stopped you?"

"The first night I got to San Diego I cried for hours and even called the bus stations asking when the next available bus was ready. The next morning I was too ill to get out of bed so my plan was put on hold. The second time…" Tara looked at him for a moment before deciding to go on. "…I was on the bus and was on it until an hour outside of Stockton."

"What made you get off?" He had been so close to getting her back all those years ago.

"I was having a miscarriage. Had to go to the hospital and get checked out." There it was. She had dropped the bomb in the middle of his back.

His eyes seemed to go through a sequence of emotions. Disappointment and also a bit of relief seemed to pass through multiple times. "Ah shit really?"

"Yeah and I decided I couldn't face you after that. I was really ashamed with myself after." Jax, whom was looking in front of him, turned back to see the guilt in her eyes.

"Why were you ashamed?" Jax was genuinely confused. They were barely nineteen and weren't ready for a baby.

"When I left I was scared because I felt like my whole world was you. You were different. You had your family and SAMCRO but all I had was you. I left because I was scared that I would start to resent you like my father resented me. The idea of you looking at me and hating me pushed me further away from you." This was something she hadn't told anyone before. Her excuse that she told him for leaving was a bunch of bull shit. "So when I left and found out I was pregnant all I wanted was a piece of you. I was being selfish and was happy that I would get to keep you with me. Then I figured the baby needed his dad but when I lost it I felt like the universe was punishing me for leaving you. That I didn't deserve you anymore and by me leaving meant I lost you completely in all ways."

Tears remerged as she waited for him to say something. "I don't know what to say."

"Hey Jax!" A voice interrupted the moment as a person yelled as the emerged from a taxi in front of the curb. "Jax!"

"Oh shit." Jax muttered as Tara could see that it was a woman coming towards them.


	4. Chapter 4

"Wendy what the hell are you doing here?" Jax stood from his spot next to Tara as he approached his soon to be ex-wife.

"I am officially sixty days sober!" Wendy relayed her achievements to her husband as she finally noticed the woman on the porch. "What is she doing here?"

"Hi sorry I am Tara." She wiped away the tears on her cheeks as she put out her hand to greet the new arrival.

"I know who you are. I am Wendy his wife." Wendy sneered back as she point at Jax who was standing there looking uncomfortable.

Husband? Tara couldn't believe he hadn't even told her. She was officially heart broken. The man she loved was taken. A man who had knocked her up while his wife was in rehab.

"I guess that's my cue to leave then. It was nice meeting you Wendy." She gave Wendy a small smile before moving away from the couple. Even thinking about that made her cringe.

She walked down the street trying to calm her mind. Her nerves were shot and any emotion that could form in her body was either anger or sadness. Reaching her driveway she was thankful that she had walked. It gave her time to clear her mind and she was sure that being a vehicle would be dangerous for both her and that Wendy person.

All she wanted to do was drink her mind into oblivion. It would be so simple but inside she knew that she had to protect this baby. It was her second chance to have something of Jax's to keep with her. He would never have to know. His life would not be affected. Nothing would change for him. Hanna, the baby, and Tara could be a family together.

For a few moments she paced the length of the living room making final decisions in her mind. Tomorrow she would be on a plane back to Chicago and would leave Charming forever. Jax and she had been given peace of mind. They had talked and he knew why she didn't come home. Everything had been closed.

A knock on her door snapped her out of her own thoughts. "Tara open the door!"

"What the hell Jax!" Tara spoke back as she opened the door to see an upset Jax standing on the porch.

"Why the fuck did you leave?" Jax asked as he pushed his way into the house.

"I figured that you would want to speak to your wife." Tara spat back with a venomous tone.

"No I don't give a shit about my junkie ex-wife." Hearing him talk about someone in this way that was supposed to be important person in life made her think that maybe he had changed.

"I know because while she was in rehab getting off her shit you were cheating on her with me." Just saying that made her feel disgusting. She was no better than a filthy croweater.

"Yeah I was and I do not regret it at all. She means nothing to me." He stepped closer to her grabbing her face in his hand. "I was making love to the only woman I have ever loved.

"You are still married." Tara stated as she looked him dead in his eyes. Hurt and anger were two emotions that were mixing together in her green pools.

"No I filed three months ago." Jax tried to pull her closer but she was resistant.

"She seems to still love you." Tara whispered as her face came closer to his.

"I only want one person." Tears spilled from her eyes as he quickly kissed them away.

"You cheated on her with me." She was more hurt at the fact that he had married someone else. There had always been a hope in the back of her mind that she would be reunited with him.

"You are not the other woman." He knew she hated the idea of cheating. She was a monogamous and would be until the very end.

"I am Jax. God! You have a wife and then you go and knock me up." The words slipped from her mouth before she could roll them back down her throat.

"What do you mean?" Jax face contorted into confusion as he tried to wrap his head around what she had just said.

"I'm pregnant." Tara whispered before pulling away and started to walk towards her room leaving him standing there shocked.

She started to change into a pair of loose fitting sleep pants and a tank top that she typically wore to bed. Her face was clean and she was putting her jewelry away when Jax came up behind her placing a hand over her stomach.

"Are you sure it's mine?" A scoff rose in her throat as she looked up at him catching his eyes in the mirror.

"Yes I am sure." Tara said back as she pulled away from him going to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"Don't get pissed off at me. I am just asking. It's not like I know what you have been up to in the past two months." That cut her deep. She was shocked that he could say something like that to her.

"Oh fuck you and just so you know you have been the only guy in the past six months." It wasn't something she really wanted to reveal but she didn't want to continue this shit with him. "Listen this is not your problem. I will take care of it."

"What does that mean?" He asked as she started to guide him towards the door despite his protests.

"It means that this baby is my decision and you need to remember that while you sleep next to your wife tonight." She gave one final push as she closed the door on his face. Tears sprung from her eyes as she felt herself drop to the floor in front of the door and let the sobs take over.

By the next morning she was all packed up and ready to go. She closed everything up and made sure that the neighbor knew that the check would be in the mail with enough money to pay for a few months of supervision to make sure no one was taking advantage of an empty house. She even wrote a letter to Jax telling him everything.

She pulled away from the curb and drove off back to her old life. As the car turned the corner the roar of the motorcycle entered the street in the opposite direction. He got off as quickly as he could but inside his gut he knew he was too late. The hangover he was feeling was slowly killing him and made him oversleep.

A crisp white envelope was left tucked under the welcome mat. Jax was written in Tara's elegant handwriting.

Dear Jax,

I am sorry for how last night happened. I should have never told you about the baby. It is my burden to carry and I spoke in reaction instead of thinking it through. Please understand why I cannot get rid of this baby. I have already lost one and can't give up my second chance. I hope it is a boy so I can have a little Jax running around. Do not feel the need to take care of it or me. I will be just fine. If you wish to be a part of its life later on then I am open to it. I will always love you and if you need to reach me then my home phone number is (312)-855-6452.

Love,

Tara

A stinging rang through his chest as he tried to control his emotions. Rage pulsated in his blood as he thought back to when Wendy entered their little world again. He wasn't one to hit a woman but for a brief moment he felt his fist clench.

He knew that he would get Tara back. All he needed to do was something he didn't have the balls to do last time. He needed to be persistant and get her to fall back in love with him.


	5. Chapter 5

There was a mistake in the first chapter. She didn't know that he was still married but I fixed it!

To be honest Tara knew she was dancing with fire when she decided to be with Jax. Some of the older gossip Queens of Charming had informed her that Jax and Wendy had separated and Wendy had skipped town. It was easy for her to put the woman, whom had married the man she loved, in the back of her mind to be forgotten. She figured she was done with him and his lifestyle. Then she walks back into the picture throwing their marriage and the connection Tara never had been allowed back in her face.

Chicago and all the problems there seemed to grow, hell multiple moments after she stepped off the plane. Constantly she was either being called in for another preemie whole was too weak to survive on its own or was being hounded by her crazy ex who thought for some reason that he owned her.

"Dr. Knowles an Agent Kohn is on line four for you. He says it is really important that he speaks with you." Barbara, the head nurse, informed Tara as she was filling out different forms before she scrubbed into surgery.

"I can't I have a surgery inn thirty minutes that I have to take the patient through pre-op. Just say you couldn't find me." Tara instructed as she looked at the clock on her phone. "I have to go."

Five hours later and every ounce of strength drained from her body Tara was finally able to go home. It was late at night and she was happy to finally get into her own bed. Hanna was with a friend for a sleep over so that meant she could go to bed without any hassle or responsibility.

Her apartment building was simple but enough that she felt secure in her home. It was pretty dark and cold in the Windy city and in these moments she wished that she lived back in California where the lowest weather was usually in the mid fourties in the middle of winter.

"Tara!" She saw him before he said anything. There was no mistaking the blonde hair or the bike that the person sat under.

"What are you doing here Jax?" Tara tried not to sound so beaten but truthfully her body and mind were not strong enough to battle a Teller.

"I came to see you and see how the baby was doing." He said with a little disappointment that her large jacket was covering her stomach.

"Have you told anyone?" She questioned as she started to walk up to the door to unlock the building.

"Not yet I figured it would be better for us to work this out before anything was announced." He replied as he followed her towards the stairs towards her floor.

"I should have known because Gemma has not made an appearance yet." She let out a laugh as she pictured the older woman bursting through her apartment door demanding to know what the hell she was planning to do with her grandchild.

"I think it would be better if we have the plan before we tell my mom." Jax could see his mother asking thousands of questions once she was given the news.

"I agreed." Pushing open the door she quickly shed her jacket and gloves before turning on the lights to fill the different rooms of her apartment.

Jax thought it was strange that someone from such a small town could be so use to the city. The traffic sounds that seem to float through the windows were slightly disturbing to him. He had never stayed more than a few days anywhere else besides Charming. Tara on the other hand had been to different types of cities and made a life out of it. She was quite amazing to him.

"What?" She had looked back at him but he seemed to be staring at her with a far away look.

"Nothing just admiring your little baby bump." Jax's eyes glanced down at the little bump under her shirt showing that their baby was starting to grow.

"Is it that noticeable?" Tara followed his eyes down and could see the little pouch growing.

"Not really I can only see it since I know what you look like three months ago." He followed his comment up with a smirk that Tara could only shake her head at.

"So what do you want to do?" Her blunt question put him off guard.

"To be honest Tara I have no idea. All I know is that I want to be a part of this baby's life and I want you in my life." Both were shocked by the honesty in his words.

Jax never thought that three months ago he would be able to get the love of his life back to where she belongs. Tara on the other hand could barely believe how she had let him knock her up especially when her life was such a shit hole.

"You don't want my shit in your life." Jax was a little put off by the statement. Usually he was the one to not want her to be mix up in his shit.

"What shit?" She glanced up at him as she saw sincere concern in his eyes.

"Just shit with life and the hospital." Simple but had the least amount of information so she didn't give away the true struggle in her life.

"Is there anyone I need to go see?" He was half joking but Tara knew Jax would always be willing to face someone who may had been unjust towards her.

"No just my boss and some other people are riding my ass." Dr. Allen was sad to hear about his star pupil getting pregnant and Kohn had been hounding her for the past few months wanting to meet despite the fact that there was a restraining order. Whenever there was some kind of federal case involving Chicago Presbyterian, he would use the excuse to see her and use the cases to void the strength of the order.

"I know how that feels. Clay has been on my ass for months trying to get me to do all of his bitch work." Tara could remember his prospecting years when he would come talk to her about all of the shit the guys had made him do since he was the "Prince".

"Have you told Wendy yet?" She suspected that he probably hadn't but felt the need to bring up his wife to make sure he didn't forget about her.

"Why should I?" She didn't expect him to question her curiosity where the situation was pretty awkward for all parties involved.

"Because she is your wife." He smiled slightly as she thought she was stating the obvious.

"No we are officially divorced. I got her to sign the papers the night you told me you were pregnant." Somewhere deep down she felt sympathy for the poor woman. She gets through rehab just for her husband to divorce her because he got someone else pregnant.

"Now I feel guilty." She couldn't shake the feel that somehow she was breaking the rules. It should not have been this way. Jax should have stayed with Wendy. She should have never told him about the baby.

"Don't be when she walked up I already had the papers drawn. All I needed to do was give it to her but she wasn't allowed anything in rehab." Jax said trying to ease her guilt.

"That is fucked up on so many levels Jax." Something in her changed.

"How?" He didn't understand how everything he did lately was wrong in her eyes.

"She didn't deserve to lose you the minute she finally fixed her life up." Empathy was always large in Tara. The idea of another hurt made her feel the same way. Hormones were also affecting her in ways she never could have imagined.

"Let's stop talking about my crazy ex-wife and talk about the baby." Change in the subject was the only way Jax could think to salvage the conversation from becoming an argument.

"Alright what do you want?"

"I want Hanna, the baby, and you to move back to Charming. I want to be a part of the baby's life and actually be a father." His answer shocked her for a moment.

"Are you sure?" Jax smiled slightly at the surprised look in her eyes.

"Yes." It took a moment before she nodded.

"Alright but you have to give me time to get everything organized. I will probably need at least a month to tie up all the loose ends." Also that gave him time to change his mind.

"I will and don't worry I will tell mom before you come." He pause looking over her over once again. He never thought she would be carrying his baby and it had somehow stirred something within him. "How are you doing?"

"You want the truth?" Tara asked as tried to adjust her seating position so she was facing directly at him

"What's wrong?" He was slightly worried that there was some bad news that she was holding back.

"I am exhausted. I am nauseous twenty four seven. My body feels like it is expanding in all directions. I can't have any alcohol or coffee. I am having these weird craving. My boobs are growing by the minute and I can't even use it to my advantage. I am constantly horny and there is nothing I can do to fix it." Her small rant was not supposes to go that far but he was the one to do this to her so he had to just deal with it.

"Why not?" He was curious.

"Oh please no man will have sex with a pregnant woman who is having another man's baby." She demanded as she closed her eyes in frustration. It seemed to come in the worst situation and the most subtle things set her off.

"I can always help with that." His smirk appeared again as he leaned closer to her looking directly in her lust filled eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's another chapter. Hope you like it and I appreciate all of the reviews. It's nice to hear that everyone enjoys the story and likes where I am taking it. Thanks!**

"Don't be an asshole Jax." She groaned slightly as she pulled away.

"What I am completely serious." He tried to keep his face in a stoic look but the smile that was forming was hard to break

"Of course you are willing to have sex with me." She scoffed as she got up from the couch and went into the kitchen grabbing a cup of water.

"I am always willing to offer my service." He came in closer and trapped her against the counter leaning a little closer.

"I bet you are." She lowered her voice as if they were in their own little world.

He could hear nothing but her shallow breathing as he continued to keep a close distance. His hands slowly moved to her hips angling them so they pressed into his. "I'll do anything to satisfy your needs."

Tara smiled as looked into his blue eyes noticing the slight change in pupil size. The brightness in his eyes was becoming darker as lust started to fill the iris. He no longer had the baby face that she was so accustomed to. All of sudden he was the thirty year old man who looked as if he had been through more tragic events than one would want.

"I bet especially when those needs also satisfy yours." She smirked right back at him as she tried not to show how extremely sexy he look.

"That is a just a bonus." Their faces were millimeters from each other. He could almost feel her body trembling as he leaned closer finally capturing her lips with his.

In that moment she felt safe. Hands were everywhere. There was a push and pull towards each other. He started to pull her up towards the counter giving him a better angle to ravish her. Tara squealed for a moment before her breath was taken from her with one kiss.

"Bedroom." It was all she could say but it got the message across. Jax was happy that she was letting him in.

He placed her on the bed but she couldn't remember going to the bedroom. His kisses were driving her mad with pleasure. As he placed her on the bed she couldn't help but smile as he started to remove his clothes and revealed his muscular chest. He had definitely grown since they were nineteen. The muscles in his body had expanded and his shoulders had widened into something that was strong enough to grip in while he brought her to edge.

Compared to their last meeting he took his time with her. Making it seem as if he was trying to convince her that she was right in what he was doing. He took his time undressing her. His lips seemed to linger on her stomach while he pulled her top off.

She felt it was sweet with what he was doing and it was making her extremely needy. Her hormones were in control and she wanted him. He came to hover over her as he gave her a look that seemed to be asking her permission to continue. She leaned up slightly catching his bottom in between her teeth dragging it slightly down. That seemed to break his hesitation.

He leaned down and spread her legs so he could sit comfortably. His lips moved down to her neck. This had her moaning and she was happy that Hanna was at that sleepover or else the little girl would have been scarred for life. "Oh god Jax!"

"We are just getting started." The huskiness in his voice sounded like sex itself to Tara. He was literally a sex god and she couldn't control how her body had longed for him for so long.

Nine and a half years was a long time to dream of only one man. Sometimes when she was with other men she would imagine it was him bringing pleasure to her. She could still picture the first time she had been with him. It was the first time she had ever seen a naked man and with him being gorgeous most men couldn't really compare. In trying to convince herself that she needed someone completely the opposite of him to shake her from her past she went out with an ATF agent. Thinking that it would be better to be with him since he was actually the law was a mistake. It just meant that it would be harder to the law behind you.

No one really knew the full extent of what happened. How he had been possessive and overwhelming while they were dating. Hanna had not allowed to have met him but he still pushed the issue. Even showed up at her school saying how he wanted to meet someone so important in her life because he would be another important entity in hers.

Jealousy seemed to be something he thrived on. It wasn't the acceptable kind either. Jax was jealous but never possessive. Tara never felt that he was trying to own her. His actions were more out of protection than of need. He was always a little insecure when it came to her. She had seen it many times when he got pissed at someone. There was a slight flicker of fear that would pass when some other guy came up to talk to her especially when it was someone who he thought to be "better than him".

For most of the night the couple continued to sedate their need for each other. It was desperate and both were testing the waters. Jax was seeing how deep she still cared about him while she was seeing if he was still the same person she fell for all those years ago.

"Holy shit." Jax's mind was having a difficult time finding anything else to go along with that statement. He had never gone that long with anyone else even in previous encounters with Tara.

"I know." Her voice was shallow and heavy with breathe as she tried to find the strength to move any of her limbs.

"I think that was the best sex of my life. I literally can't feel my legs." Jax groaned out as he tried to move his head to look at Tara but that took too much energy.

"Mm I don't think I will be able to walk for a week." She gave back as she continued to stare at her ceiling.

"You have to come back to Charming if there is more of that." Jax smiled as he felt the back of her small hand come up to hit him on the chest.

"Until my belly gets bigger then it will be a bit more difficult." She let out a laugh as she tried to picture some of the things they had done with a huge pregnant belly in the way.

"You will still be beautiful." He smiled down at her while pulling her body closer to his. His hand slowly slides down her spine until he was where the black ink adorned her fair skin.

"You have to say that. You are a big reason why it will happen." She gave him a small smile while the street lights from outside light the room lightly.

Silence fell over the pair as they started to doze off into a happy dreamland. Tara dreamt about the baby she had lost all those years ago while Jax dreamt of finally being with the woman he was had lost all those years before.

Tara's peaceful sleep was disrupted when her stomach dropped and nausea hit her like a freight train. She pulled her body into the bathroom and towards the toilet to empty all the contents of her already empty stomach. There was even a bit of dry heaving involved before the spasm finally ceased.

Jax sweetly held her hair back and gently rubbed her back trying to do anything to sooth her pain. All of the tensed muscles in her body suddenly relax as she sat back against the toilet trying to calm down her extremely troubled body. "You okay?"

She nodded at his question and stood slowly making sure that she was not lightheaded. Her mouth felt disgusting and her throat burned so to sooth the feeling she quickly brushed her teeth in hopes to make herself feel a little better.

"I cannot wait to be in my second trimester." No morning sickness and it also meant that she was in a safer zone. The chance of a miscarriage was still there but it was less likely.

"When is Hanna supposed to be home?" Jax's question finally awoke her hazy mind.

"Nine." That was the usual time she dropped Hanna off when Tara had to work late.

"You might want to get dressed then because it is eight fifty." Internally she groaned but forced herself to walk into her closet to find something to wear.

Ten minutes later there was a knock on her door. Hanna and Diane the baby sitter stood there smiling at the other one. "Mommy!"

"Hey sweetheart." Hanna practically jumped into her arms as Diane passed over her backpack that held her overnight essentials.

"She was perfect. I will see you two later." Diane never stayed long and Hanna continued to talk as Tara set down the bag next to the door.

"Hanna there is someone I want you to meet." Tara paused as she brought Hanna into the kitchen where Jax was standing against the counter looking as awkward as someone could. "This is Jax he is a friend of Mommy's."

"Hey there Hanna." Tara smiled as his hard biker voice changed into a breathy whisper as he gave the three year old a small smile making sure to keep his distance.

"Hi." Hanna smiled but was still a little hesitant. "Mommy that's the boy from the hospital I was telling you about."

"Wow she is smart. Yes I did see you are the hospital." Jax took a step forward trying to put on a calm demeanor thinking if he acted the way he felt he may set off the young girl.

"I like your hair." Hanna replied as leaned forward in Tara's arms getting a closer look at the new man in her life.

"I think yours is prettier." Only Jackson Teller could charm a three year old.

"Mommy's hair is really pretty." Hanna looked between Jax and Tara as she gave a wide grin feeling proud of her comment.

"Your mommy and you are two of the prettiest girls I have ever met." Tara laughed as Hanna started to lean towards Jax who was now standing close enough to reach for her.

"You are pretty too." Hanna's brown eyes seemed to catch Jax's blue ones. Once contact was made she seemed to almost analyze him before wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hanna, how about you go play with your toys while Jax and I talk?" Tara asked as the little girl agreed and hopped down from Jax's arms to disappear into the living room.

"She likes me." His statement was accompanied with a large and cocky grin.

"Most of the female population does." Tara winked as she put on a cup of coffee.

"Right now there are only two members of that population that I care about liking me. One does but the question is does the other one?" Jax leaned against the counter as he watched Tara's restless hands work over the coffee maker.

"I think you already know that answer." She answered as she looked over her shoulder at her high school sweetheart.

"I want to hear you say it." His request sounded more like a demand.

"I still like you Jax." Admitting her love for him was out of the question. First she needed to make sure that the things that made her love him was still there.

"Good because I like you too." He grabbed her face and gave her a long passionate kiss.

"I have to go. There is a long drive home for me." He held her face in between his hands. "Remember if you are not back in Charming in a month I will be back with Gemma to drag your ass back."

"God you are so romantic." He had missed her sarcastic comments and was happy to see that they had not disappeared.

"I am the king of romance babe." One kiss was all she was left with as he said his goodbyes to Hanna before stepping out of the front door.

At least it wasn't like last time. Instead she would be stepping back in his town. That idea brought fear into her for a moment.

"Hey Hanna how would you like to move to California?" Hanna had no idea what Tara was saying but seemed to take the idea pretty well.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it took so long for the update this is the last original plot line before I go into the season 1. Most of plot line will follow the actual show but I will manipulate it more to fit the story. Also some of the dialogue will change to help bring the story along.**

Packing was something that Tara had learned how to do without much difficulty. She never really let herself move in fully. It was more of security blanket then anything. If she never unpacked then she would never be trapped. From the few psychology courses she had taken in school she knew that it was more of a tactic of needing the ability to run. The fact she did it meant that she never felt as if she had a home. She never really felt safe.

Tara was able to admit that to herself. She knew that ever since she left Charming all those years ago that she never actually stopped running. The fact was that she never really knew what a home was. Sure Jax was where she wanted but Charming wasn't. That was all he knew. Charming and SAMCRO was his life. She knew when she asked him to leave with her that he would decline and now he asked her to move back and she couldn't refuse. That was the hold he had over her.

Hanna was sleeping peacefully in her room while Tara was throwing out different and unnecessary items. She knew that most of the stuff that they would need was already at her dad's house back in Charming so it was mostly small things and memories that the pair was going to keep.

She became entranced as she looked through the life that Hanna and she had created for themselves in the Windy City. A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts as she was surprised that someone had gotten up to her door.

As she opened the door she was shocked to see him here. Just his presence made her want to vomit but she was pretty sure that was more the baby than him.

"Tar Tar…" His slimy voice entered her ears as he pushed his way into the apartment looking down. "Are you going somewhere?"

"No just throwing a bunch of stuff out." She silently prayed that she had put all of the boxes that she had packed into her bedroom and out of plain sight. "Josh you need to leave or I will call the police."

"Tara you don't understand. I am not here to hurt you. I am here to love you." He stood right in front of her. Her eyes searched the room for the phone but couldn't find it.

"Please Josh you need to go." Before she could react he had his hand wrapped around her neck and she was against the wall.

"You betrayed me Tara. You gave yourself to that biker criminal that branded you with that disgusting tattoo." His anger boiled and Tara could see in his eyes that his temper was breaking through his mask of sanity.

"Josh it has been eight months. I am not yours anymore." Her voice was low hoping not to wake Hanna.

"Just think we could be a family. I know that you have been with another and I have forgiven you." His eyes dropped to her stomach and as he looked back up she saw the shift in his eyes. "What have you done?"

"Josh you need to leave." She pushed against his chest but there was no avail. He had a death grip on her.

"You let him knock you up?" His eyes burned with anger as the grip on her neck tightened to where the air was being slightly blocked from her lungs.

"Yes." Her voice broke off slightly as she grabbed his hands trying to find any relief.

"How could you do this to me?" His eyes closed as if he was trying to reel in his emotions. Tara was truly scared at how loose of a cannon he was and the dangers of being around him in this moment was.

"Please stop." She closed her eyes to help escape the situation.

"I will be back and we will discuss this later." Moments passed before he left Tara there still trying to fill her lungs with any oxygen she could find.

The next forty eight hours were spent packing up everything and then getting on the road as quietly as possible. Once she was back in Charming she knew that Kohn would either pick a new victim or come after her. Lucky for him she had made sure to cover her tracks and make sure that all information of her absence in Chicago was confidential. All of her bosses knew about the restraining order and didn't give her a landlord a forwarding address.

The pair left Chicago a week early but Tara didn't mind. Hanna and she took four days on the road until they reached Sacramento where they would be staying at Hanna's paternal Grandparents house for the night. Her father's parents had contacted her a few months ago asking if they could possibly see their only granddaughter.

Eric, their son, had passed away almost a year ago. He knew about Hanna's birth but knew that he couldn't take care of her. Tara was happy to grant them their wish. She would rather Hanna have family on both sides of her family. Someone who could tell her about what person her father was.

Back on the road they finally made it to their destination in the dark of night. Hanna had passed out the minute she was in the car so Tara was forced to carry her in first before coming out for the rest of their belongings. She texted Jax with the news of their arrival and set out to unpack the car.

Surprisingly it was easier to put everything away then it was to pack everything up. By the time Tara could barely move from exhaustion but ninety five percent of the house was unpacked and their corresponding boxes were put away.

She couldn't actually believe that she was back in Charming again. Pregnant with Jax Teller's child was also not something she thought would ever be again. Second chances, she thought, maybe the end would be a positive.

Jax had texted her back telling her that he was on a run and would be back tomorrow night. She was a little disappointed but still she felt safe knowing that Kohn had no way of finding out where she was. As she laid her head on her pillow she felt a little safer and slept a little easier.

The next morning she received a knock on the door before the sun had even risen over the hills. Tara had to force herself out of the warm comfort in between her sheets. She was still half asleep but once she opened the door her mind immediately woke up.

"I just had to stop by to see it for myself." Gemma pushed her way into the door before Tara could even reply to her statement.

"Did Jax not tell you?" Tara asked as she walked into the kitchen not even really caring where the other woman ended up.

"Oh no he did tell me but I just needed to actually see the bump myself." Gemma said as she looked down at her slightly rounded stomach. "Are you sure it is Jax's?"

"Do you all think I am so slut or something?" Tara glared at Gemma before grabbing some juice from the refrigerator.

"No one has seen you until four months ago. There is no way we knew what you have been doing or who you have been screwing." Gemma retorted as she looked around at the messy house.

"Well now you can keep your tabs because I am not leaving." She stated as she poured the liquid into the glass before taking a sip soothing her dry throat. "And Jax is the only person I have been with in the past eight months."

"Oh so you are having a bit of a dry spell?" Her tone was sarcastic as she started to pick up items on the table that were garbage and putting them in the trash.

"Yeah most guys don't want to have sex with a pregnant woman." She replied as she cleaned up some of the dishes in the sink.

"I am sure there is someone out there that would." Tara knew what she was trying to push her buttons.

"I would rather focus on the baby and Hanna." She knew this was more of a test for Gemma to see where her mind was.

"Good you better be careful I wouldn't want anything to happen to my grandson." Rolling her eyes Tara turned towards Gemma but was surprised to see the close proximity she was.

"You don't know we could be having a girl." Gemma only laughed at her comment.

"Teller's only have boys." She had a smile on her face and for the first time in all of knowing Gemma she saw it reach her eyes. That only happened when Gemma was either around Jax or Clay.

"I guess we will see then." Tara proposed but was shocked as Gemma put her hand on Tara's stomach.

"We shall and just so you know there isn't anyone else I would trust to carry my grandbaby." That was all she said as she walked out the door leaving Tara shocked.

Tara couldn't believe what had happened and was slightly stunned. Suddenly she believed that someone could actually change especially in Charming.


	8. Chapter 8

**So I keep seeing stuff about the whole Marriage deal. Yes I made a mistake in the first few chapter but have since changed them so thank you to all who had corrected me. This is where the show timeline comes into play. Tara knew he had been married but thought that there was no chance of them getting back together. That is why she feels horrible. Tara seems to be someone who does not want to be the other woman and that is how I am writing her. I hope you like it and enjoy reading. If not tell me and I will not continue. Enjoy!**

Months have passed since Tara's arrival in town. Everyone knew that she was pregnant with the new Prince of the Sons of Anarchy. Jax was around a lot but their relationship was a bit strained. Wendy had been staying at his place since her arrival back from rehab while he stayed at the clubhouse. He was around as much as he could. Tara kept him updated on all things regarding the baby.

Their actual romantic relationship had been a bit strained. Tara still felt awful at the fact that they had been together while he was still married. Wendy came back from rehab thinking that there was still a fact that they could be together. Jax had given her a hope and then Tara crushed that by getting pregnant.

When she had slept with him, she figured that Wendy had gone off to make another life not gone off trying to fix her marriage. Tara felt as though she was responsible for her pain that she was feeling. Knowing that if the roles were reversed that she would feel hate and anger towards the woman who stole her husband away and could never forgive her for what she did to her life.

On the other hand her pregnancy had been pretty easy. She was twenty seven weeks pregnant and had just found out that she was having a baby boy. Hanna was extremely excited about the news and couldn't wait to go tell her grandparents about the new baby. The whole forty five minute drive would be spent with the three year old telling Tara how exciting it was that she was going to have a brother.

Their final stop in Charming was at Teller- Morrow garage to give Jax (if he was there) the new ultra sound picture that displayed the limb that told them the gender or to give Gemma the satisfaction of being correct.

Pulling up to the compound she saw that Jax was actually standing there with a few of the other brothers looking over a car that seemed to have a bit of a deer problem. Seeing the cutlass he started to make his way over as she found a way to pull herself out of the low riding car.

"Hey is everything alright?" His eye flashed between Tara and Hanna who was sitting in her car seat in the back.

"Yes I just thought you might want to see your replacement as the new Prince of Charming." Her smile spread as she held the ultra sound in front of him.

"I guess I won the bet then?" Jax's had a cheeky smirk on his face while he looked down at the picture of the small baby.

"Yes you did. I am officially twenty seven weeks. He is four pounds eight ounces." Tara couldn't help but smile as she thought about the sound of the heartbeat that she heard earlier in the day.

"From what I can see he seems to take after his old man." His eyes zoomed into a little piece showing through the picture that every man was either proud or insecure about.

"I swear I just literally saw your ego get even bigger." Her green eyes rolled as she saw a couple of the guys wave at her. "He has a strong heartbeat."

"What about the flaw?" Tara's earlier ultrasound showed that the baby had inherited the congenital heart defect that ran through Jax's side.

"They are monitoring it." Jax seemed a little concerned but knew that Tara was going to be taking care of the baby and knew she was more informed about newborns than him.

"Good." He paused before looking into the back seat. "Now how is Ms. Hanna doing today? Are you excited to go to Gramma's?"

"Yes and I get to show them the picture of the baby." She proudly showed Jax the other picture of the ultrasound.

"Oh really did you go with Mommy to her doctor's appointment?" Jax was supposed to go also but an emergency with the club interrupted their plans.

"Yes." Hanna smiled back proud that she was able to be with her mommy when Jax couldn't.

"Are you taking good care of Mommy for me?" Her giggled said it all. Tara couldn't help but smile at how well he got along with her.

"Yes the doctor even let me squeeze the blue goop on her belly." Hanna replied as she tried to contain the excitement of the day she already had. Tara could see her body shaking with emotion.

"He won't even let me do that. I guess you must have been a very good girl." She nodded furiously while Jax just gave her his heart warming smile that made all girls fall for him.

"Did you hear about the explosion a few miles outside of town?" Usually when something like this happened like this it had to have some Son involvement.

"Yes and don't worry we are heading out there in a few hours to check it out." Tara didn't ask for anything else.

The pair said their goodbyes and she handed him an extra photo for his mom. There on the bottom of picture she had written "Abel Twenty Seven Weeks". He couldn't help but smile as he watched her car pull out of the lot and towards the street.

The drive to Sacramento and back was simple and easy. Hanna practically jumped out of her car seat as soon as they pulled up to the house. Tara gave her a kiss on the forehead before leaving to head back to Charming. She had a few things she needed to drop off at the Hairy Dog that she found in her dad's place before she headed to the hospital for her shift.

Pulling up Tara tried to make this quick. Being involved with the Sons and also being pregnant she did not want to actually enter the place but Bill the owner had been kind to her over the years with helping make sure that her father actually came home on nights when he had drunk himself into a stupor. The place was smoky and dark. It reminded her a bit like the clubhouse but she didn't let that defer her from walking directly to the bar asking for Bill.

"Hey Tara what can I do for you?" Bill was in his seventies and had owned the Hairy Dog since the sixties.

"I have been going through my dad's stuff and found some old things that I knew my Dad would want you to have." She pulled the bag of items up on the bar.

"Thanks I will have a look through it." Tara nodded and then caught something that had caught her interest. Wendy came out of the bathroom looking strung out.

At the pool table there were a couple of Nord guys playing. She watched as Wendy approached the largest one and made some kind of exchange. She nodded at him before starting for the front door. There she stopped when she saw the good old Tara Knowles standing by the bar.

"Do you want a ride back to the house?" Tara asked as she stepped forward. There was no way she would let someone drive that strung out. It was too much of a risk.

"No thanks I will be fine." She stepped out the door and Tara followed knowing that there was no way she would let this woman die or hurt anyone else.

Wendy looked lost as she searched the street for her car. Tara saw the distress in her eyes "Where is your car?"

"I got a ride here." Wendy replied as she suddenly realized that there was no way of getting out of this situation. "Fine."

Tara did nothing but unlock the door and go to the driver's side. The actual drive was only a ten minute journey but Tara was dreading every minute that it would take.

"So had Jax been staying at your place?" Wendy asked as soon as Tara pulled out of the spot.

"No he's been at the club." She answered truthfully as she waited for the light to change.

"Really I would have thought he would have gone straight back to you." Her sarcasm was not lost. Both woman were complete opposites but still had the same feelings for the same man. In a horrible way they had a connection.

"Well you were wrong." She didn't mean for it to sound rude but the fact that Wendy brought up the situation annoyed her to no end.

"I guess I was. He probably is fucking every croweater in that place." There was a scoff to her voice but Tara tried to ignore it.

"I didn't know that there was still a chance you two could get back together. He told he had already filed." No better time than now to purge your sins or at least that's what Tara thought.

"How far along are you?" Wendy asked changing the subject.

"Seven months." Tara answered as she diverted her eyes back to the road.

There wasn't much around. Trees lined the side of the road in the typical California landscape. No one else seemed to be on the road. It was pretty much dead in both directions.

"Boy or girl?" She asked again trying to see how open the other woman was.

"Boy." Tara paused and decided not to say anything else except for what Wendy asked for.

"Have you thought of a name?" Tara cringed at how much information she was wanting but she owed the woman this much.

"Abel." Wendy tried to hide her emotions but it was too hard. This woman had taken everything from her life.

The baby she was having was supposed to be hers. Jax Teller's child was supposed to be growing inside of her not this bitch. How come this woman got everything? Wendy knew that Tara had always owned Jax's heart. It was still hers from all those years ago when he was still young at the age of sixteen. Her emotions were riding high and there was nothing she could do to handle them.

To be perfectly honest Wendy didn't really know until after it happened what she had actually did. It was if her body took over for the moment and pulled the steering wheel towards her side of the car pulling them to the side of the rode. Tara was not able to react fast enough. The car swerved and then everything went black.


	9. Chapter 9

**I couldn't wait to update!**

Her hazy eyes opened to see that somehow Wendy and she had ended up in a ditch. Pain was everywhere and she couldn't distinguish its exact location of where it was emanating from. Wendy seemed to still be passed out from what Tara guess to be a good hit to the head. Tara on the other hand could feel the pressure building in her stomach. In that moment she knew that the liquid pooling from her seat was coming from between her legs.

The cramps in her stomach were telling that either she was having a miscarriage or the baby was coming but she couldn't see if the liquid was clear or red. Her panic started to rise as she tried to open the door but it was stuck. There was no way out and no one was around. Usually she was one not to let the chaos surrounding her affect her demeanor but in this situation she could feel her heart rate rising as she tried to figure out what the hell was happening.

Tara didn't know how long she sat there. It felt like hours passed as she felt the pain increase. She knew that they were officially contractions and she would be having this baby earlier than she thought. The real question in her mind was would the baby survive. Suddenly her mind was distracted as a noise was heard.

A siren rang through the air. Two men appeared at the side of her door shouting for others to call 911.

Everything around her was too much. The fire department had to cut her out of the car while Wendy was able to be freed with the utmost of ease. They made work on her and soon enough she was lifted out of the seat and onto a gurney. The whole time they kept asking her questions seeing if she was cognitive. She gave all of the information about her pregnancy and how she was a doctor at St. Thomas.

"What's your name Ma'm?" The EMT was young and seemed to be confident in what he was doing as he pulled her up into the ambulance.

"Tara." He nodded as he got in the back while another contraction hit.

"Well Tara I am going to check how dilated you are." Tara nodded as she suddenly felt the baby move lower in her birth canal. The car started up and pulled forward.

"You are almost nine centimeters. You are going to have to push soon. Do you think you can wait until the hospital?" He asked as he tried to work as quickly as possible.

"He is deciding everything. Is there a lot of blood?" She prayed that the placenta hadn't detached fully or else this situation was a lot more dangerous.

"Yes there is but I think we are close to the hospital. If you can hold on for just a few more moment then there is a better chance for your baby." Tara nodded as she gritted her teeth to keep the scream from ripping through her voice.

Before she could even take a breath they had reached the hospital and were rushing her through the halls. All of her coworkers were running around her trying to get as much information as possible.

"Tara I need you to give me who to call for you?" A nurse, Jackie, who had befriended early on in her arrival at St. Thomas asked as they put her in a birthing room.

"Call this number…" She gave them Jax's number before jotting Gemma's number down. "… and if this one doesn't pick up call the second one."

"Okay do you want me to tell them everything?" The young nurse asked as Tara nodded unable to breath due to the pain.

"I will get right to it." As Jackie left, her OB walked in ready to deliver the baby.

"It looks like we having a baby. I want you to be ready for this. You know the chances." The doctor was forthright about it. He knew that Dr. Knowles knew the risks and needed to prepare her for the outcomes.

"Yes." She gushed out as she took in another breath and felt the instinct to push. "I need to push now."

It took less than thirty minutes before the baby was out. Dr. Nameed the neonatal surgeon was there to check the baby out. The cry he emitted was weak and breathy. They wouldn't even allow Tara to see him before he was taken away for rounds of test. Jackie had stayed by her side the entire time, even followed the baby per Tara's request trying to get as much information she could for the doctor.

Gemma Teller was known throughout this town. She was feared by many. "Hey you!"

She called out to Jackie since she was the only one around who seemed to look like they had any type of information. "Where is Tara Knowles?"

"She is this way. Follow me." Jackie made sure the woman was following before she headed towards where they had taken Tara after the birth.

"Gemma oh thank god." Gemma was a little shocked to see how bad Tara looked. There were a few bruises on her face but one thing was missing.

"Where's the baby?" She knew it was way too early for him to be have been born safely.

Jackie saw the hesitation in Tara's face and decided to step in. "Dr. Nameed is looking at him right now. He is premature but we aren't sure the full extent of the side effects will be."

"You need to get Jax for me. He didn't pick up when they called him." Tara was in a panic and wanted to know what the hell was going on with her son.

"How did this happen?" Gemma asked as she tried to figure out how Tara got in an accident.

"I went to the Hairy Dog to drop some shit off for Bill that my Dad wanted to give him. I saw Wendy there all strung out trying to score. I thought she drove and saw that had gotten some shit from one of the Nord guys so I offered her a ride. She agreed but about five minutes in she started talking and then freaked out and grabbed the wheel." Tara summed everything up for Gemma and watched as the woman paced for a moment.

"That was a pretty stupid thing you did. Why would you give that junkie a ride?" She asked as she looked at the new mother.

"I don't know I just felt bad for her and thought I owed her at least one kind act." Tara answered truthfully.

"Alright I am going to go get Jax." Tara thanked her as Gemma left the hospital to get to Teller Morrow.

As she pulled up she saw everyone coming out of church. Clay and Jax were at the forefront looking concerned. "I tried calling you!"

"What the hell is going on?"Jax asked as he got closer to his mom. He had never seem her look this panicked ever.

"It's Tara and the baby." Suddenly Jax was gone before another word could be said. Everyone followed suit as they tried to keep up with the speeding Prince.

Once in front of the hospital Jax let Gemma guide their way through the hospital with Gemma retelling the story of how his psycho ex-wife had almost killed Tara and their baby. He heard something about needing to fix the dealing out of the Hairy Dog and figure that he should be the one to send the message. It is there fault why the mother of his child was in the hospital. As they rounded the corner Jax saw inside one of the rooms there was Wendy lying in the bed passed out.

"Are you Jax Teller?" The nurse asked as she exited her room. She already knew the answer but still thought it better to ask.

"Yeah." He replied in a harsh tone looking at Wendy through the window. He couldn't believe she had gone this far.

"Your wife has a concussion but from what I can tell she is still pretty strung out on crank. We are going to keep her under observation for a few days to help her detox the drugs from her system." Jax nodded but truthfully he was more worried about Tara.

"What about Tara the other woman who was brought in?" The nurse was a little surprised at his question but felt intimidated with all of the Sons of Anarchy members looking at her.

"She is doing well. The baby however is having a bit of a problem" Again the nurse hesitated for a moment thinking about protocol and how this was against it. "Are you the father?"

"Yes I am." Jax replied as he looked around trying to see any sign of the baby.

"He is ten weeks premature. His low weight and lack of immune system is making him weak. There is also a congenital heart defect that is putting strain on his system. Dr. Nameed is going to have to repair it as soon as he is cleared for surgery. If you would like to see him you may come with me." The nurse offered but Jax declined.

"Jackson where do you think you are going?" His mother asked but Jax didn't care.

"Go check on Tara and the baby. I have something to do." Jax said as he walked out of the hospital.

Tara on the other hand could feel her body shaking as they wheeled her through the halls towards the NICU. Jackie placed her in front of Abel's incubator and Tara couldn't believe how small he was. Ten weeks premature and he still looked perfect. Her son was as beautiful as she could ever imagine.

"I'll give you a minute." Jackie whispered as she left Tara alone.

"Hey big guy it's Mommy." Tara paused trying to control her emotions. "I am so sorry this happened to you. I should have been able to protect you better and I am sorry for that."

She paused collecting her thoughts. "I just want you to know that you are loved and that your sister and I are so happy you are here. Hanna is so excited to meet you but you are going to have to wait a while before you see her cause she is with her grandparents."

All the machines and tubes were disheartening to her. She knew what every single one did for her sons and how it was assisting in helping her baby live. Dr. Nameed had already told her that he would most likely operate tomorrow morning. He seemed to be optimistic but Tara knew the percentages. There was a fifty percent chance that her son would make it.

Gemma came into to check on her before heading out. She could see how upset Tara was over this whole ordeal so she didn't want to push the woman. Time seemed to help everyone and from her own experience every mother deserved alone time with her new baby.

Silence was Tara's only friend as she looked at the baby. She had made it out of the accident with a few scratches and a sore body. Abel had taken a majority of the beating yet she still did not dislike Wendy. She disliked what the drugs did to her and her son but still she could not find it in her heart to hate the woman.

After she had left Charming all those years before, Tara had also lost herself. She pushed herself through school full speed ahead. Constantly she was trying to figure out a way to distract her mind from what she was missing all the way back in Charming. During the week she would push her brain to its breaking point before going out on Friday night to drink away all of her pain. Alcohol and learning were here two escapes. This was her schedule and she never deviated from that time table.

Tara however learned quickly enough to get over the alcohol part of her escapism after a few bad nights but school was still was her drug. Wendy however found her escape in drugs. A fault yes but she understood how she could have been driven back to the drug. Too many heartbreaking moments by the same man could do that to a woman.

Jackie had come back to collect her to bring her back to her room but Tara made her make one detour. Wendy seemed to still be asleep but Tara didn't think that she would mind being woken up. "Wendy?"

Her groan filled the room as Jackie gave the pair a moment of privacy. As her eyes met Wendy's she could see the hesitation in her eyes. "I didn't think you would ever want to see me again."

"Yeah I didn't really but then I realized that I never apologized for what Jax and I did to you. I feel horrible for what happened and feel as though this is karma coming back around." Tara explained as she felt tears come to her eyes.

"No wonder I could never compete with you. I am sorry for what I did to you and I hope that one day you can forgive me." Tara nodded at her and the scooted her chair towards the door. "I just lost it when I found out you had given him a name. Made it all too real for me."

"I understand and good luck Wendy I hope you beat this thing because you are better than this drug." Tara stated before she opened the door and got Jackie's attention.

Tara paused when Wendy called her name. "Thank you for your forgiveness. It helps a lot."

"Its not a problem Wendy but promise me that you will clean yourself up." Tara requested.

"I promise." That was all the pair shared as Jackie took over the controls of her wheel chair.

Jackie pushed Tara back to her room. Jax sat at the chair looking distraught and in deep thought looking the opposite direction of the door. "Hey."

He seemed to be shaken out of his thought by her greeting. "Hey how are you feeling?"

"A little sore but I think the worst of it is over." She answered as Jackie helped her get into the bed. "Thanks Jackie."

Jackie nodded and left the couple alone to speak. Jax sat on the side of the bed for a moment before finding his words. "You probably hate being the patient huh?"

"Yes it is not something I really enjoy." Tara smiled back at his attempt to make the situation a little lighter.

"Why did you give Wendy a ride Tara? You must have known something bad would have happened." He had already talked to Wendy and knew what he needed to do once he left the hospital.

"I know it was dumb but I felt bad for her. I mean I had sex with her husband while she was in rehab. Not the best situation to come home too." Tara had never thought that her life would be this difficult. She just needed for Kohn to stay away or else her whole life would be a shit storm.

"I get it but try not to do something like this again." She could see that he was having an inner battle with himself.

"I will." She paused for a moment trying to figure how to ask the question. "Have you seen the baby yet?"

"No I went to see Wendy first. I told her that she either had to go into rehab or get out of my house." Jax felt slightly guilty for kicking her while she was down but this needed to happen. Wendy was a ticking time bomb and dangerous for everyone.

"Alright well I am pretty tired. I think I am going to try and get some sleep. It's going to be a big day for Abel tomorrow." Jax nodded and gave her a sweet kiss on the lips.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Tara smiled and watched him leave.

Tara had to admit she had never really been on the other side of the situation for most of her life. She never really had a family or friends who needed to have such a major surgery. Jackie had been assisting in the surgery and a few of the nurses were giving her an update every once in a while.

She had also been given the information that Wendy had tried to overdose last night. Inside she knew that Wendy was not suicidal. Someone must have either pressured her into taking it or said something that pushed her over the edge. Her guess was simple but she knew that Gemma would never cop to it. She decided not to mention it but she did decide that she needed to speak to Wendy when they brought her out of the sedated detox.

Her OB gave her permission to walk around so she took the chance to dress in a comfortable pair of pants and a t-shirt that was loose and hide her post pregnancy stomach. One good thing about being a doctor was that she had been given special access. She would be the first person Dr. Nameed would see when he exited the surgery.

It had been late at night when he finally emerged. The smile on his face told her that it would only be positive news. "He will be fine."

"Thank you." Tears sprung as she walked out of the room in a dazed state. She had been walking out to look for Gemma when Jax had caught her eye.

"So…?" He asked as he approached.

"It went well." The smile that broke his face made Tara's heart jump. He wrapped her in his arms as he finally gave him a chance to relax.

The moment was short lived when she saw the blood. She knew she had been harsh but didn't care. He deserved to see the disappointment in her eyes.

Once Abel was put into the incubator she was there sitting in the rocking chair. Jax joined them minutes later with a scrub shirt on. His eyes water as he looked at his son for the first time. Tara knew that something changed in him. Gemma joined them and told them both that Abel was "perfect". Tara couldn't agree more.


	10. Chapter 10

**This is a long one. Enjoy!**

Days had become weeks. Abel was constantly growing and becoming stronger. Wendy had been released days after the accident and went immediately into rehab. Gemma had scared her into silence and even with prodding Wendy wouldn't say a thing against the matriarch.

Dr. Nameed was positive that Abel would make a full recovery and have as strong heart that any other child his age would have. Tara had been released days after giving birth but she demanded to be put on rounds immediately after. Her reason was that she would be at the hospital as much as possible and figure it would be better to keep her mind and hands busy.

Hanna was coming home today and Tara wanted to make sure she had the Cutlass ready to take her home when her Grandparents dropped her off. Before she left the house one thing startled her. Pink roses were placed on the front step of her house. It had been Kohn's calling card.

She called Gemma's phone hoping that there was some way she could pick her up from her house and take her to Teller and Morrow to pick up the car. Thinking about the cost of repair made her whimpered slightly but put it in the back of her mind.

Once she was in the car she felt a little better knowing that someone else was with her. Gemma on the other hand was feeling the wariness that was flowing off of her. She could tell that she was antsy and Gemma guessed that it wasn't something that Tara wanted to share with others.

"Thanks again for the ride." Tara and Gemma's relationship had steadily improved since her arrival in town. Now that they would forever be connected it made both of them realize that they needed to get a better relationship before Abel was released.

"Not a problem. How are you dealing with everything?" She was a little shocked at the question but figured she wanted to see where Tara's head was.

"I am holding up." Feelings were a subject that Tara thought that the two women could go without talking about.

"Good and are you sure you want to keep working? You just had a baby." In truth Tara was happy that she was working. Meant she wouldn't be home alone all day especially what she had just discovered.

"Yeah keeps me out of my head besides I would be at the hospital anyway." Gemma nodded but said nothing else. She figured the poor woman had been through enough.

Once they pulled up to Teller-Morrow Tara went over to Lowell who had been working on her car while Gemma got the paper work going. Most of the actual SAMCRO members were in church and the lot was pretty quiet but that didn't last long. Members filed out and a few looked a little worrisome. Lowell had pulled the Cutlass out of the back lot and Tara went over to see how well the job had gone.

"I have to say Lowell you are an artist." Tara's comment brought a smile to the mechanic as he nodded his thanks before disappearing to the back of the shop.

"Here are your keys." Gemma came out of the office holding the keys out for Tara.

"How much?" Tara asked as she started back into the office looking through her bag trying to find her wallet.

"It's on the house." Her hands stopped working and she looked back to Gemma who had a serious face.

"No I want to pay for it. I can't you let you do that." She shook off the comment and continued to look through the mess her bag was.

"Your insurance is covering most of the hospital bills. It's the least we could do after all the shit with Wendy." Gemma would not let this woman pay for this car.

"Thank you." Tara smiled as she started to pick up the mess she had made on Gemma's desk.

"Tara why are you packing?" Gemma kept her voice low and quiet as she was a little shocked that Tara would be carrying around a gun.

"Umm…" Her mind was slowly thinking of an excuse. "I have been a bit skittish lately and thought it would be good to be protected."

In her eyes she knew that she was giving the lie away. Gemma could be a professional interrogator because the stare she was giving was making her uncomfortable and wanting to confess her sins.

"Yeah right now tell me the truth?" Gemma always knew when Tara had something hidden. It was the same as when she was a teenager. Her face gave everything away. There had been some improvement but not as much as she was sure Tara had wanted.

"Fine there was a guy in Chicago that I went out on a few dates with." She paused finding the right words to make sure that Jax was not told. "He got possessive and when I tried to break it off he got violent."

"Oh my god does Jax know?" The emotion that crossed her face made Gemma realize how much fear the other woman had.

"No and he can't know. I am just being paranoid. There is a restraining order against him and I am sure that he wouldn't come from Chicago just to get me."

"But you are still scared." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes and with all of the stuff with the baby and Hanna I just feel better knowing that I have something in case he comes." Nodding Gemma understood where she was coming from and why she was so upset.

"You should tell Jax. I am sure he would be happy to stay with you." Gemma offered in hopes to ease Tara's worries.

"No it would just make him upset." Jax was not needed for this problem. If Josh was really in town then that meant that he was after and that was it. Besides Jax has been having too much weight on his shoulder.

"Alright well if you need anything call me." Tara smiled at her before grabbing her keys from Gemma's hand.

"Thanks." Walking out to her car she smiled as she saw the boys come out of church.

"Hey!" Jax smiled as he saw Tara come out of the office. "Tara!"

"Hey." Tara replied as she placed her purse in the car before turning around to face him.

"Lowell did a great job. Made sure he gave the car a complete transformation. You shouldn't need to replace anything in awhile." Jax was beaming as he looked over the car. He might not be able to fix Abel but he was happy he could help Tara out in any way.

"Thanks so much. I really appreciate it. Hanna is coming back today and I am happy that I can drive her home." Jax couldn't help but smile as he was starting to fall for that little girl.

"Oh is she excited to meet the baby?"

"Last night when they called that was all she could talk about. She is a very proud big sister." Jax couldn't help but laugh as he looked over at the Cutlass.

"You know there were some pretty great memories with this old thing." He looked over at Tara as he gave a slight wink while Tara hid her blush.

"I am pretty sure my first arrest was with you in the car." She had been drunk and Jax and she were heavily making out in the back of the Cutlass drunk. It had not been her greatest moment but Jax always loved to bring it up.

"Now those were some good times." His comment was paired with a sneaking little smirk that he only wore when he knew he had gotten something over on someone. "I am going to be heading out of town for a day or two."

"Alright." She nodded as she headed over to the other side of the car towards the driver door.

"Tara wait you forgot the paper work." Gemma came out of the office with a few papers in hand. As she saw Jax she paused to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Hey baby you going somewhere?"

"Yeah gonna head up to see Uncle Jury for a few days." He answered as he made the way towards his bike while she went closer to Tara.

"Nevade? Be careful." It was more of a statement than anything else. Tara knew that when Gemma worried that it meant something.

Her day had been hectic and full of different patients needing different assistants. The one light was when she was finally done with her shift she was able to sit the baby for a while before Hanna came. It was a quiet time and Tara couldn't wait to be able to hold him. She wanted him to know her voice but there was a fear he wouldn't.

She had a hard time when she first started taking care of Hanna. The baby did not like the idea of someone that she didn't know taking care of her. Hanna was constantly fussy and didn't sleep through the night for months. She had hoped that Abel knew who she was and felt safe in her arms.

"Hey Tara there is someone here to see you." Adam, Hanna's grandfather, interrupted her thoughts as he stood in the doorway.

"Coming." She answered as she stood up from the rocking chair and went towards the waiting room.

Hanna caught sight of her and ran full speed at her. "Mommy!"

"Hey baby girl did you have fun with Grandma and Grandpa?" Hanna eagerly nodded as she looked over Tara's shoulder through the window.

"Yes is that the baby mommy?" Tara nodded as she walked into the room and took a seat on the chair.

"Why is he in there?" Hanna was curious but fearful of leaving her mom. The machines and how small he looked made her hesitant.

"He is sick baby but the doctors have fixed him up so he should be out very soon." Hanna seemed to understand didn't ask any more questions.

Adam and Lucy said their goodbyes before heading back on the road. Hanna and Tara sat there for another hour just looking at him. She was even able to rock Hanna to sleep. Tara made sure she was all taken care of in bed before she went around the house making sure that everything was set up. All the doors were locked and windows securely in place.

Tara had been assigned the late shift. A babysitter had been called in to watch Hanna so that she could sleep in her own bed and not in the daycare center. Whenever there was free time she would sneak in to see him. Even checking his charts to make sure everything was still on the up and up.

As she was finishing up her charts before she went off to do her rounds. "This is for you Doctor."

"Thanks." She grabbed the manila envelope and turned to see Jax standing there with a sweet smile.

"Hey how is our boy?" He asked nodding his head towards the door that leads into Abel's incubation room.

"Good all clear they hope that he should be out in a few weeks." She mirrored his smile as they both looked back over at the window.

"Perfect how are you doing?" He was still a little concerned with how well she was taking everything and how traumatic it was for her.

"I am fine. How was Nevada?" Tara asked as she remembered the last time he came to the hospital after a job for the club.

He spoke as he proudly showed his clean shirt. Tara smiled back happy that he didn't have to do anything too extreme. She would rather the father of her child not be killed while Abel was still in an incubation chamber.

Jax walked over to see the baby while Tara headed towards her other patients. She almost forgot to open the envelope. There it was in front of her. Two photos, one had Jax shooting a gun at some target out of frame and the other had him with some other girl on the back of his bike. It almost broke her heart right there. She glanced up at him but could barely stand the sight of him. They needed to talk.

Jax was still there when she finished her rounds. He seemed so vulnerable as he stood there looking at Abel. "Hey can we talk?"

"Yeah sure." Jax looked at Tara and saw something was wrong. Her mind was in a negative place. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah I am just trying to figure everything out. What happens when we finally get to take him home?" Tara dropped the bomb.

"I have no idea but I do know that I want to be in his life." Jax knew that Tara would be a better parent than him but he wanted to know his son.

"You will be but can I ask you something?" She was fearful of the response this question will get. "Do you still have feelings for me?"

"Yes." Simple and straight forward. "Do you?"

"Yes." That was all it took. There in front of their son Jax grabbed Tara's face and gave her the most passionate kiss he could muster.

"What do you want Tara?" He asked as he pulled away from the kiss.

"You." She smiled up at her before grabbing his face and grabbing him into another kiss.

She went into the hospital on her day off. Hanna was going to be out with the babysitter while Tara continued to watch over Abel. Somehow she had gotten into stories about how she met Jax. It was a reminiscent moment when she realized how connected she always felt to him. In a way she knew she would come back to Charming. There was a force pulling her back and somehow she needed to come to terms with that before something bad happened to her or her family.

By the time her next shift started she was already exhausted. The past few days had been hectic and Hanna was still coming to terms with the fact that she could not hold the baby. Constantly she was asking Tara when he would be out and for the first time in Hanna's whole life she could not answer the little girl.

Tara kept to the same routine. She was lucky that she didn't have as many patients as usual. The rounds were simple and easy. No one was in critical condition and all of them were healing properly.

While she was walking out of the NICU she saw the one person she wished to never see again. He was sitting there as if nothing had happen. That months ago he didn't have his hand around her neck choking her.

"We need to talk." He stated as he looked around trying to find a private place to talk some sense into her.

"Follow me." She guided them to an empty waiting room.

"I just wanted to tell you I am here for work. I am investigating a gun deal that links to Sons of Anarchy but I am sure that you know all about that. I mean you are with the Vice President." Josh was trying to keep his emotions in check. It was a complete lie but he needed to sell it.

"The flowers and the picture are they for work." Tara was fearing being in the same room with him but knew that she needed to stand her ground.

"I know how much you love pink roses and also I wanted you to see what he was doing when you weren't with him. I don't want you to get hurt." He actually believed that what he was doing was easily understood. The woman he loved was with a dangerous biker.

"Listen if you come near me or my family I will file a police report. The restraining order is still in affect here." Tara said in a lower tone to make her threat more viable.

"Actually the federal standing of the investigation nulls the state ordered mandate but there is nothing to worry about I won't be stepping on your toes." He left without another word and Tara finally allowed herself to relax. She needed to pick up Hanna so they could go to the Taste of Charming benefit.

Jax was the first to see the pair. He found a way to sneak around them as quietly as he could. Soon he came out of nowhere and grabbed Hanna into his arms while making her laugh as loudly as one could. Her giggles and pleas of help for Tara only encourage him to continue his assault. "Mommy help!"

Hanna couldn't even catch her breath by the time Jax placed her back on her feet to finally give a sweet kiss to Tara's cheek. "Hi."

"Hey." She gave him a smirk as he looked back down at Hanna before taking her in his arms again for a proper hug. This always made Tara smile at how gentle he could be.

"Tara!" The family moment was broken as Gemma made her presence known immediately.

"Seems like the Queen is summoning me." She sighed before reaching for Hanna.

"No!" Hanna said as she shrank back into Jax's arms. "I want to stay with Jax."

"Go ahead before you get placed on the Gemma shit list. I can watch her." Hanna's pout was full on as Jax couldn't resist the little girls request. "What do you say Hanna, want to go throw things at Elvis?"

"Yes!" Her small frame jumped a little in excitement. "Bye mommy."

"Bye be good." Tara warned Hanna before looking at Jax. "Bring her back when she becomes too much alright."

"I will." He flashed her that smile again before walking off with an excited Hanna in his arms.

She smiled before walking over to Gemma who had a smile on her face. "He is good with her."

"Yup he is good with kids." She replied as she stood there helping Gemma keep the flow of everything.

"Are you two together?" Never one to hide what was on her mind Gemma decided to come right out with the question.

"Yes we talked about it when he got back from Nevada. Figured we could try it again." Tara smiled at her own words.

"Good I am happy to hear that. You are good for him." Gemma stated as she went back to work.

It only took an hour before Hanna was back to fill her with stories of what Jax and she had done. Apparently they both assisted Opie in setting up the fireworks and Jax had helped her throw pieces of chips at Bobby while he was doing his Elvis act.

Tara had started to walk around looking at all of the booths. She was smiling at different residents before stopping dead in her track. Kohn was there standing with the Police Department. Her heart immediately stopped and turned quickly looking before he saw her.

Gemma had been witness to the entire exchange. Unser had filled her in in the information and she finally knew his identity. In the back of her mind she realized that he was probably the one that Tara had a restraining order against yet she wouldn't say anything. Tara needed to be the one to tell Jax.

The sun started to set as Hanna's eyes started to droop. Tara said her goodbyes before taking the little tyke home. Once she was settled Tara went back to reading a book that a nurse had given her when she was in the hospital.

A knock on the door took her out of her mind. Jax was on the other side of the door looking conflicted. "Can I stay here?"

"Yes of course." She stepped aside giving him access to the house. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah just a long night and didn't feel like being alone." Tara understood and felt a little better knowing that he was going to be here tonight.

They both took a seat on the couch with Tara curling up against him. She felt safe and she knew she needed to confess to him. "I need to tell you something but I need you not to get upset."

"Alright what's up?" She couldn't see is face but she could picture the crease in his brow as he tried to think of every possibility in his mind.

"There was this guy in Chicago that I had gone out on a few dates with." She cringed at the memories flooding her mind. "He got possessive and when I tried to break it off he got violent."

"What!" Protective Jax was out in full force and she had to sit up just for him to calm down.

"I got a restraining order but I need to also tell you something. On our last date it was horrible. I can't even tell you how angry he got when I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. Then a few day later I went out with some friends while Hanna slept over at her babysitters. We were drinking and I still can't remember what happened that night." She paused taking a breath. "I woke up in my apartment the next morning. Nothing was different and I thought I was fine. My friends must have dropped me off. Two weeks went by and I still couldn't remember that night. It took a few more days but I got test done and found out that I was pregnant."

"Tara what are you trying to tell me?" Tara couldn't even look at him.

"Pieces came back. It was him. He took me back to the apartment. I guess he must have followed me and slipped something in my drink." Jax's mind was swimming.

"What happened to the baby?" He needed to know if she was telling him something.

"I got an abortion at six weeks." She released the words and cringed at the idea. "I couldn't carry his child. I couldn't let myself be bonded to him."

"Why did you come back?" He asked a question that could be answered easily.

"I needed to see you again." She needed to see him and the love that she still had for him.

"Come here." He opened his arms and gave the top of her head a kiss. She fell back to her previous spot and felt a little more peaceful.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hope you like it. Most of the time if I don't mention a scene it means it happened the same way as the show did. Hope you enjoy and review! I love hearing all of your comments.**

Surgeries were starting and stopping one after another for Tara. She felt as if her mind was starting to fall apart. She hadn't even been able to stop by and see Abel once. Her nights were filled with taking care of Hanna and days spent trying to save everyone else. Hanna was feeling a little left out so Tara sent her back to her Grandparents so they could give her the attention she wanted. Also Tara realized that Hanna would be going to school in a few months and wouldn't have as much time to go visit them.

One day shook her to her bones. He was here staring at Abel. The minute she saw his grey hair and tall lanky frame she went into protective mode. "Only medical personal and family are allowed in here. Get out!"

"I uhh…" He kept staring at Abel's little body. "Be at SAMCRO in forty five minutes if you want to see his future and yours."

She couldn't believe she let him get to her. All she wanted to do was go home to Hanna but then her mind went and looked. There was Jax lying on the ground with the rest of the boys seemingly enjoying the experience. They knew that they had gotten away with something. The smile shining on Jax's face had been seen by her before. It was always plastered on his face whenever they had been together in high school.

By the next day she was happy to see that he was free. His relaxed demeanor made her relieved. "Hey is everything alright?"

"Yeah why?" Jax was a little surprised at how worried she was about him. He had texted her that he wouldn't be over last night because of club shit.

"I went by the clubhouse yesterday and saw a bunch of cops." She excluded the facts about the tip from Kohn.

He went on to explain how there was an ATF agent going after him and the club, even said that Kohn had visited the hospital when he was here. Hearing how extreme he was getting made her fear that he may become more confident.

"Hey I am done with my rounds can you give me a ride?" Jax nodded and agreed saying to come get him when she was ready.

"I heard your mom whacked some girl with a skateboard." Tara laughed as the entered Abel's incubation room.

"Yeah." That was all he could say as he tried to hide the smile forming on his face.

"Do I even want to know?" She wasn't sure if he even wanted to tell her or if he was allowed.

"No." He gave her a smile before following her out towards his bike. As he walked along with her he placed a hand on her hip.

Those little touches were her favorite thing about him. He loved to be touching her in some way. Just those small touches made her feel safe. The hand slowly moved towards her bum. She had a feeling this was his way of showing that he was in.

A ride on the back of Jax's bike was something Tara would never deny wanting. It was a special moment. The first time she had ridden on the back of his bike was a moment that will be engrained in her mind for the rest of her life. She understood why he loved it so much. It was much more freeing than any drive in the fastest car.

Her mind feels free as they pull up to the house. "Is Hanna home?"

"No she is with her grandparents." Tara looked around making sure that Kohn didn't follow her back to her house.

"Well then I think we should use this to our advantage." Jax stepped closer but she seemed distracted.

"I haven't been cleared yet." She looked at him before returning to looking for Josh. There was something in her gut telling her that they hadn't gotten away easily.

"Hey this worry I am getting does it have anything to do with the car that's been following us?"Jax glanced at Tara seeing how the features dramatically changed to fearful. "The compact that's parked half way down the block. It's been behind us since the hospital."

Tara saw it and had to leave. She needed to be locked away where he couldn't get to her but Jax wasn't going to let her run away. "Tara what the hell is going on?"

"He's here for me. That's him. I didn't want to tell you because of all of the charges but that ATF agent who was at the hospital is him. He's the guy I have the restraining order against." Realization formed on Jax's face before anger started to boil.

"Get inside and lock the door." He commanded when he started to walk towards the asshole.

Putting the knife in the sick bastard's radiator was one of the best feelings. He knew that he could push the guy a little more than any other agent. This guy was dancing on thin ice already.

"Stay away from Tara and stay away from my kids." Jax declared as he walked away. Kohn needed to leave and never come back.

After the altercation he felt a little better knowing that this dick knew he was watching him. He went back to the door and yelled for Tara to let him in. Inside he was pissed that Tara hadn't said anything about the sick son of a bitch being in town yet he had to admit that he understood her hesitancy with the guy being a fed and all. Once they talked it over Jax made it to the Police Department in record time. He walked in and told off Hale in front of every person in the room.

Through the day their communication was very limited. Jax was busy dealing with the three bodies while Tara was working another late shift. It was safer at the hospital when she was alone. Kohn could still be in town.

News around the hospital was that some random guy went into the break room showing two interns his ass that had a dog bite in it. Tara internally groaned as she figured it was most likely a Son. Only they would have the balls to go somewhere not allowed and drop pants.

"Dr. Knowles Jax is looking for you." A nurse at the nurses' station stated as Tara approached from visiting another patient.

"Alright thanks." She signed a piece of paper before walking towards the room. Clay and Jax were visible through the window but she guessed that they wouldn't mind her interruption.

"Hey." It was a little uncomfortable but Clay was pleasant as he found his way out of the room.

"The nurse said you wanted me?" There was a bit of tension between them but Tara figured it was due to the events this afternoon.

"Yeah I just wanted to check in on you. Make sure everything was alright." Jax's vulnerability was always something Tara loved to see.

"Yeah David told me that Kohn had already left town." She smiled at him. "Thanks for everything it helped a lot."

"Anything for you darling." He gave her a wink before pulling her closer pressing a small kiss to her lips. "Do you want me to stop by tonight. Check and see if there are any monsters?"

"Only if you plan on staying the whole night. I hate being alone in bed." She threw back hoping that he would want to stay the night even though she still hadn't been cleared for sex.

"I'll be there." Another kiss followed his answer as he said his goodbyes before disappearing to find Clay.

Everything was going back to normal. Jax and she had a nice night where she slept peacefully in his arms. Then everything went to shit.

Rumors around town told her that Jax had put a guy through a window at Floyd's. Apparently a Fed stabbed him in the leg. Unfortunately she was unable to actually talk to him about it all day because Dr. Nameed needed her whenever she had a free minute.

Later that night she found him waiting for her. He looked upset and slightly annoyed. "Hi."

"You are not going to have to deal with him anymore. I saw him leave." Tara smiled as she sat down next him. It was the same position they were in the night Abel was born.

"Thank you. What happened?" She was looking for something that would give away the fight that he had with Kohn.

"The little bitch stabbed me with a pair of scissors." His hand ghosted over the covered wound.

"Come in let me have a look at it." She started to stand but he quickly pulled her back down to his level.

"We have to talk first. Why did you come back to Charming?" His eyes seemed conflicted as he looked straight into her eyes.

"I came back because my dad was dying and I wanted Hanna to see him." She waited a moment before adding something. "And I wanted to see you."

"Why?" He asked not being able to get what Stahl had said earlier out of his head. Had she come back hoping Kohn would follow so he could take care of the job.

"Because I wanted to see someone look at me and see love in their eyes." Truth she figured was the best way to show him that she came back for him.

"Did you move back hoping that if Kohn came I would take care of him?" Now his comments were just annoying her to no end.

"No to be perfectly honest I thought he would get over me when I moved. Figured his job was something he would want to keep. I never intended to get the club involved." Tears were filling her eyes as she glanced away from his intense glare suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"I am sorry just this ATF bitch got in my head." He grabbed her face making her look at him. Inside he felt disgusting with himself that he accused her of this.

"No I am still pretty hormonal." She leaned forward giving him a small kiss before standing up. "Get in the house so I can check that wound of yours."

"I am pretty sure this is just an excuse to get into my pants but I don't mind Doc." Tara laughed as she unlocked the door ignoring his comments.

"Just don't expect this special treatment for every bump and bruise." He laughed as she lightly pushed him through the doorway.

"Isn't it a doctor's duty to do no harm and to heal?" Jax was trying to seem innocent but Tara saw straight through his façade.

"You are thinking of the wrong type of healing." Tara replied as she led him to the bathroom where most of her supplies were.

"I am sure your healing could do it for me." Jax smiled as he slowly pulled down his jeans for better access to his stab wound but Tara wasn't fazed as she slowly pulled off the gauze.

Abel was getting out today. She had made sure that she took the late shift ensuring that she would be the first one to hold her son. There was no one else she would let be with her son besides her. Her own checkup went well and her doctor gave her the good to go for any type of physical activities she wanted. Inside she was nervous to tell Jax because even though they had been flirting nonstop since they decided to get back together this would be the first time post birth and her body had definitely changed.

The time came for Abel to let out. Jax made sure he was there for this moment. Tara waited a few minutes before bringing him out. She needed some baby and mommy time. He wouldn't mind. As she walked out the nerves were written all over his face. Gemma was there too but Jax was first in line.

"You are the only person that I could give him too." She stated as she slowly passed her son over to his father for the first time.

Tara glanced at Gemma who was looking at her baby with water filled eyes. Jax sat down as Gemma headed out the door.

"He looks exactly like you." Tara stated as she kneeled down next to him.

"I can see a bit of you. This is usually the way you look at me when I wake you up." Jax smiled down at her before looking back at their baby.

Jax had to leave prematurely but Tara spent the rest of her shift in the nursery with Abel. Gemma sat with her and they both took turns bonding with the baby.

"I am going to head home." Gemma stated after she looked at her phone looking extremely worried.

"Alright goodnight." Tara gave her a smile as she continued to look into her baby's eyes; the same eyes as his father that always seemed to dig deep into her soul. "I love you baby so much."

She had driven up to her house when the roar of the bike came down her street. Jax was quick off his bike explaining that they needed her help and her medical supplies. Both of them went inside.

"I don't have everything that I might need but I can get most of the antibiotics tomorrow when I take my lunch break." He nodded and she hopped on the back of his bike.

"Jesus Christ." The scene in front of her was shocking and almost made her flinch at the amount of alcohol and blood on the scene.

"Hey Doc." Chibs' relaxed demeanor was something she needed to feed off of. She quickly got to work and started to clean the wound.

It took about an hour before the Irish man was all patched up. Once the guys moved him to a dorm room Jax came over with a worried look on his face. "How bad was it?"

"Uh I got the slugs out. I will come by tomorrow with some antibiotics and penicillin to make sure he doesn't get an infection but other than that he should be fine." Jax gave her a smile while looking her over.

"How did your checkup go?" It was an innocent question but filled with so many unanswered possibilities.

"Everything is healed up. I am all clear." She raised her eyebrow giving him a small smirk that almost mirrored the one on his face.

"Good but I probably can't stay tonight. I am sure Clay will want to have Church." He was disappointed at the idea of not having her tonight but knew that this attack was personal.

She gave a small pout which he couldn't help but smile before kissing it away. "Alright but you better take me home because I deserve some sleep."

"Anything for you Doc." He grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the clubhouse before anyone could convince her to diagnose any of their health concerns.

Pulling up to her house she got off before taking off the helmet. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"At the latest tomorrow night." He gave her the answer she was looking for.

"Okay tomorrow." She leaned over and gave him a small kiss before walking away.

Just as she locked the door a pair of hands wrapped around her mouth and pulled her into the bedroom. "I see that Mr. Crow left you all alone."

"Help!" Tara tried to scream but it was to no avail.

Jax was gone and Josh still had his pistol. He had the upper hand. Now it was time for her to figure out how to outsmart him. His emotions were in this and he wouldn't be thinking straight. She was his weakness and that meant that she needed to get him vulnerable. The only way to get this to work was to cooperate and hope to god that this worked.

He kept ranting about how he loved her so much and that they needed to talk about their relationship. Tara was confused but tried to play along. He wanted to fix their relationship. She named his possessiveness as one problem and then he just made excuses about how she didn't realize that was how someone was supposed to love another.

"I hope that we can be a family. Hanna, you, the new baby, and me can move back to Chicago make a new life." His eyes were wild as he sat down next to her in front of her bed staring at her profile.

"Abel is Jax's son I can't take him away from him." Abel seemed to be a sore subject for him.

"I would be a better father than that badass biker. He is in a gang for Christ sake Tara." Just the way he said her name made her cringe.

"He is still Abel's father." Her consistent naming of Jax seemed to hit a nerve.

"You care about him but don't think twice about aborting our own child." Tara knew he was trying to get her pregnant and that had been stalking her.

"It got an abortion at six weeks it never was a baby." Medically speaking it wasn't but she couldn't say that it was the spawn of some type of horrible yet her answer still pissed him enough to slap her across the face.

"You never gave him a chance." Tara saw an opening and ran towards the door but was stopped before she could do anything else.

Kohn made sure to slam her head as hard as he could against the door. She must have blacked out for a few seconds because when she opened her eyes again her shirt was ripped and he was standing there shirtless. He looked like an animal ready to go in for the kill. His eyes were wild and dark as started to pull off her pants. "Please Josh don't do this."

"I promise this will feel so good for you." She tried to think of any excuse.

"I haven't been cleared yet Josh." Desperately she tried to pull her pants up as he continued to try and release her legs.

"I went online and they say that usually you don't have to wait that long to have sex. You will be perfectly fine." Panic started to rise in her body as she looked around for his weapon. She needed the gun or else she would be raped.

"Be gentle Josh please. I promise that this will be as enjoyable for you as it is for me. Just take it slow for me." Her voice dropped as she started to feel in control of the situation. She was even able to get him into a vulnerable position.

It all became a blur as she grabbed the gun and pulled the trigger. After the fact she realized what she could have done. She wasn't in full control of the gun when she put the pressure on the trigger and somehow she could have ended up shooting herself.

Josh on the other hand felt all the pain would feel. He knew he needed an ambulance but his Tara wasn't giving what he wanted. She shut the door and left him there helpless. He prayed that she had called an ambulance because he didn't want to die. He needed to be with her to protect her from that Teller guy.

Tara had the gun in her hand when Jax finally arrived. Jax walked in and suddenly realize what had happened. He was concerned for her safety but he realized quickly that the blood on her was Kohn's. It was good to know he was safe but pissed Jax off at the idea of any part of him near Tara enough to spill his blood on her.

"Where is he?" Emotions were running wild as he felt his protective side come out. The woman of his child was attacked tonight. That was against the rules. Women and children were off limits.

"Bedroom." He saw red as soon as the bastard's image came into his view. Tara was hysterical as her pleas of help mixed with his angry shouts. One word set Jax off. Whore. That was never Tara and with him directing the comment at her meant that he was disrespecting his Old Lady in every way possible.

The sound of the gun mixed with Tara's scream almost deafened Jax. Tara couldn't even believe that within a second a man that was dangerous was gone. Silence and heavy breathing was all that was left. Jax was torn up about what he had done. Tara was in shock.

Then the flood gates broke. Everything she had felt since the feeling of Kohn's hands on her mouth came out. Comforting Tara was always natural for Jax. He seemed to instinctually know what she needed. His kiss was almost healing to her. She suddenly craved more. Josh Kohn was gone in her mind. All that was left was being with Jax again. Being able to have him the way she wanted to have him. Inside her with the rest of the outside world hidden by their passion and that is what gave her.

He was sweet and gentle. Never letting her remember what they had done. She needed him and he needed her. Tara could barely walk after their love making. Her body was relaxed but the smell of him was starting to stink up the whole room. Jax realized this too and took her out to the couch so they could sleep. He wrapped her in his arms as she laid on top him. Still naked he finally slept peacefully. If that was all it took for him to feel at peace then he would be with Tara every night until his death. She was his dream catcher. Her love somehow found a way to fix his fucked up life.

As the sun started to raise so did the pair. Jax went out to garage and found some plastic to wrap his body in. Once he was put into the Cutlass Tara went to work scrubbing the blood from the floor. Everything about it was horrible but she soon was finished as Jax headed out.

By the time he got back she had scrubber her skin multiple times to try and get his blood off. In some sort of sick way she was happy that Jax had made love to her that night. It was a release from the moment. She realized that after death there is still life for others. His death was something she couldn't dwell on for too long.

Jax had brought the Cutlass back nearly an hour after he left. He was quiet and went to work on the carpet. The pair didn't say anything to each other. Tara went to work while Jax continued to work on the cleanup.

At work she found peace of mind. Abel was a way for her to look at the new life Jax and she had created. Ironic how just hours before they had taken someone else's son away but she shook that thought from her mind quickly.

By the time Jax had stopped by she had worked herself into a frenzy of thoughts that were making her crazy. Then he gave her a ride to the clubhouse to check on the patient. She gave him a few shots before the boys took him away to recover in secret.

"Stay with me here tonight?" Jax offered and there was no way that she would deny him. Anywhere would be better than that house.

"Yes." That night they made love in a simple way. A passionate way that told each other their feelings before they could speak it vocally.


	12. Chapter 12

**The End of Season One! Season Two will be a little shorter since I really feel like it fits into the story. Some things will change but they won't be as long as this one.**

The next few days became routine. Tara would sleep with Jax at the clubhouse to avoid being in that house. She felt safe and they both knew that their relationship was growing. Even that crazy bitch Stahl couldn't ruin it.

Gemma had fixed up the house for Abel and was planning a huge welcome home party for him. Tara would be going on maternity leave soon after but she had no choice to make. Her old boss from Chicago had called and offered her the position to study under him. He wanted her and was using everything in the book to convince to return.

Jax drove with her to the hospital to pick up the baby. Together they both headed back to Jax's place. Tara had decided to move in with him so that they wouldn't have to be split up. All of Hanna's things had been moved and she quickly became accustomed to living in her new house. Tara had a feeling she enjoyed having Jax around more also.

Everyone was excited to meet the new Prince. It was nice to see the family aspect of the club. That has been something had been missing for a really long time. For Tara to see the love she could understand why Jax loved this place so much. Why he hadn't wanted to leave when she did.

"I always knew you and Jackie-boy would make beautiful children." Chibs spoke as he came up behind her with a beer in hand.

"Thanks Chibs." Jax had Abel in a tight grip while everyone continued to look at the newest addition to the family. Hanna was sitting right next to him smiling down at her new baby brother.

There was tenderness between them that she had never seen before. Hanna with her blonde hair and green eyes could pass as Jax's daughter. No one would ever question it.

"Hey Doc I think your phone is ringing." Juice declared as she looked at her purse that was placed on the counter in the kitchen.

"Thanks." She dug through the bag for a few seconds before finding the phone. It was the hospital calling and that was never a good sign. "Hello."

"Tara it's Jackie. Dr. Nameed needs you to come down to the hospital. Karen has the flu and he needs you to assist in a surgery." Just from Jackie's tone she knew that this was serious.

"Umm yeah I'll be there as soon as I can." She inwardly cringed at idea of missing her son's first night at home but it was her job.

"Who was that?" Jax asked as she rejoined the group.

"The hospital they need me to go in for a surgery." She felt defeated and disappointed.

"You are on maternity leave though." Gemma said a little annoyed at how loyal the young woman was to the hospital.

"It's just one night besides it's a preemie." She lightly touched Abel's head before grabbing her purse. "I'll see everyone later."

There were rounds of goodbyes as she walked out the door. Immediately she put everything out of her head and went into doctor mode. Dr. Nameed was thorough and the whole surgery took hours. Her whole entire body was sore and all she wanted to do was go home and sleep but the news that came once she was out of surgery shook her to the bone. Donna, someone who had been at their party last night, was gunned down. She didn't want her mind to go there but she couldn't help but wonder if that could have been her.

Her mind was fluttering to horrible places before it locked on one thing. Jax was there sitting in the waiting room. He looked as if the weight on the world was on his shoulders. His eyes had lost a bit of the mischievous look they always held. "Hey."

"Can we talk?" He was straight to the point.

"Sure." She headed towards an empty room.

"I just wanted to stop by and check up on you." His hands covered his face as if this was the first time he had sat down in hours.

"Thanks I am fine. Who is with Abel and Hanna?"

"Gemma is with them." Jax paused trying to find some sort of security in her eyes but he couldn't find it. "What's wrong?"

"Um I didn't want to tell you with all this shit going on but my old resident at Chicago has been calling me. He's offered me his job." His face changed immediately. "I wasn't going to take it but then everything with Donna I feel like maybe this would be a good choice for me. Once everything is settled here I could come back."

"What you are just going to take my kid and split?" He was pissed. How could she think that she could ever take his kid away from him?

"No it hasn't been decided yet but I just wanted to tell you. This could be amazing for my career." Again she tried to reason with herself that this is what she wanted to do. It's what she had to do for her children.

"Oh so your happiness is all that matters. You are just going to run off again. Let me do the dirty work for you with Kohn but then back out before you can actually commit. I protected you but did any of that matter. You must have come back just to make sure that Kohn didn't do what he wanted. Is that you moved back?" The anger inside had been released and there was no way he was going to reel it back in.

"I came back for you." She replied but felt her heart restrict at his words.

"You know how many girls I've slept with…" Hearing him talk about his pass hit her in the gut. His words were cutting deeper as he told her the pain she had placed on his heart. It was losing her that pushed him a hundred percent in the club. She was the one to blame.

"I still love you Tara." Those words were followed with a kiss before he left. A kiss that felt like déjà vu when he said his goodbyes the first time she left.

She headed home not long after the altercation. All she wanted to do was have Hanna and Abel with her as she tried to decide what to do with their future. In a way she felt guilty for bringing them both into this world. They were innocence's that had no choice in the matter. If anything would happen then that was on her back.

Gemma understood her silence as she went directly into the nursery to pick up a sleeping Abel. Hanna was the next stop and then they all laid on the bed together in silence. "I'll see you later baby."

"Does it get easier?" Tara asked as Gemma was about to disappear down the hallway.

"Yes it does." Gemma was sure about her answer but both women knew that there was never a certainty to this life.

Jax didn't come home that night. It wasn't a surprise. That was his usual way of dealing with things. He separated himself from the situation. Gemma became her new comfort. She told her about the fear of the club and how she considered moving back to Chicago.

"Why would you tell him that?" Gemma was pissed that she would try to run but she knew that must have cut Jax deep.

"I got scared. I just found out about Donna, I was feeling hormonal, and I was exhausted. It just came out." Abel's cries filled the dark house. "I never would have left."

"You did it before." Gemma struck back.

"This time I had others to think about. I have a son now who needs to be with his father. Besides I don't think my heart could take being without Jax again." Her heart would have broken ten miles outside of Charming. At least that's what happened the last time.

"He will come around. I promise. Now go take care of the baby while I go home." Tara nodded before getting up to check on her son.

It was quiet as she slowly rocked him back to sleep. The front door opening told her either she was about to get broken in on or Gemma forgot something. But she was wrong. Jax was there looking at her with sad and tired eyes.

"Hi." He nodded while he looked down on the baby in her arms. "Here you go."

"Thanks." Jax made sure the grip he had on was secure before Tara and him changed positions. "I want to get as much time with him."

All of a sudden there were tears in his eyes. He tried to act strong but she knew what he was thinking. His best friend's wife had been killed and he had needed to be strong. For Opie and for the club but he couldn't keep it up. It would eat him from the inside. She needed to mend a little bit of the problem that she had created

"Don't worry you have time. I called the hospital and told them that I decline." She didn't look in his eyes and instead softly gave Abel's head a kiss. "I am sorry. I got scared and felt the urge to run again. I was being selfish and self-centered."

"You were right that there is a danger of being with me." Tara nodded as he tried to see where she was at the moment.

"I am willing to take the chance." Something that she was too afraid to do ten year ago and still a little worried about at the moment. "For you and for him."

"Thank you so much." He gently put Abel back to bed. Once the baby was covered he was on her as fast as possible. He needed to be in control and show her that she was not making a mistake by being with him. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." His lips moved from hers own down towards her neck while pushing her towards the bedroom. "So much."

Tara had been worn out that night. It was desperate and passionate but she knew they both needed it. Jax had left earlier that morning before the sun had even made an appearance. She waited until a baby sitter came to watch the kids before she got into the cutlass and met Gemma at the cemetery.

"Did he come home?" Gemma asked as they both took a seat in front of the casket. It was a somber event and as quiet as a club function could ever be.

"Yeah but he left early. He isn't handling this well." She stated as she kept her eye out for him. He needed to show today; Opie needed him.

The service continued and that's when Jax appeared. He looked like shit and she didn't realize how horrible the bruises from the night before had become. His eyes were conflicted as he dropped a flower on the casket before coming over to give her a small kiss on the lips. The whole club watched but said nothing. He disappeared quickly after that and she knew that these next few months would not be easy.


	13. Chapter 13

Hello to all of you readers! I am sorry to say this but I have decided not to continue What If since I have decided to create a new work called Biker Baby. It deals with similar problems but is something I feel I can create a new idea with. Also I had so many ideas and I felt that these would go better with my new story rather than this one. I am sorry and I thank all of you who had read it and I hope you give the other story a chance.

love Emmie Elliott


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